Quote: I also believe that he has a lot of insecurities and anxieties around sex that keep him from being sexual. This is his deal
That was my H to a tee. All the scheduled sex, romantic dinners, lingerie, etc will not change the fact that his sexual hang-ups are his to own and address. H and I tried the scheduled sex last year and that went up in flames. All of those techniques are band-aids covering up much deeper problems. I think most of the people on this board have at least some problems in their M way beyond not having hot sex. Those band-aid approaches I mentioned, as well as all those "1001 Ways to Turn On your Lover" books, work fine for a completely healthy M that just needs a little spicing up but not for truly SSM's. You mentioned your H is upset about turning 40 soon. There is one issue that can turn into a nightmare if not addressed by both of you. Communicate with him about those feelings, even if they are very painful. I think you will both benefit.
