Ok, then if you've never tried literally writing out a list and showing her where you feel you fall on it...then try it. Maybe she needs the visual aid of actually looking at it.
I know dealing with someone who loves animals is difficult, my mother takes in every stray animal that comes around and it's difficult for my dad to deal with. Mom has always been this way, and will always be this way....for her though it stemms from abandonment issues of her own, besides a simple love of animals.
It sounds to me too that perhaps you are avoiding bringing up some tough things because of your A. Remember that is in the past, forgive yourself for it and move on (if you haven't already). You know as well as everyone else here that problems don't go away unless they are addressed.
You CAN tell her that she is spending all of her time and energy on the animals and leaving no time for you and your M. She has to find a common-ground....you must feel you are a priority to her, if she wants this M to work...you cannot make it work on your own.
ZBube...don't avoid what you know needs to be said. You CAN tell her that her continuing to bring in animals when she knows it's not a good time sends you clear signals that YOU and your M aren't a priority to her.
You CAN tell her what this continued behavior will eventually lead to. If you aren't ready to leave now...tell her that you won't live this way indefinitely.
Zbube...remember I wasn't ready to walk out the door either. But I have set some pretty clear boundaries for my H (I think) by being very blunt. I couldn't continue skirting the issues or being gentle about what I was saying to him and have him understand how serious I was.
I had to start sounding as serious as I felt to get through. So far it seems to be working.
