Geeez HD - I consider touch to be a relatively standard way of saying "I'm interested. Are you?" And I think in a trusting, respectful R it is a hot way to initiate. I would LOVE it - it has been a long time since H made this kind of approach. I guess if I were you I would have no idea how to approach Mrs. HD - if you ask then it is "bugging" her, if you touch it is personally violating. Good thing your interest is fairly low at the moment.
I'm experiencing a little consternation because my libido is ridiculously revvvved up today and I know that ML is absolutely off the menu. After all the kid activities, homework etc...H is looking forward to sleeping and will not look kindly on wifely wheedling.
It's not surprising your drive is very low right now. You certainly are getting shot down enough
That was the same pattern in my M, pursue, get shot down, repress sex drive to avoid more sexual arguments. The thing is that repression comes out in the relationship in other ways - resentments, passive-aggressive behavior, etc. It just makes matters so much worse. It really is a vicious cycle and so hard to break. Detachment is often the only way to go if the other person is unwilling to address the issues. Sorry you are dealing with this Hairdog. Hope things get better soon.
HP, Are you planning to attend WWME in the near future? I think it may do you and MrHP worlds of good. Right now, I totally understand what you are feeling, but at the same time I think recovery from it is going to have to come at least in part from yourself. He's trying, but he doesn't have the secret decoder ring to tell him what steps he needs to take to be the man of steel you are seeking. Have you told him recently what you think you need in a man (not that you really know at this point either). I guess what I am saying is are you leaving him any hints as to how you'd like to be wooed? Nothing overt, I know that would smack of the same old having to provide all of the heat, no nothing like that. What I mean is just something small that he can mull over so that he can start finding a direction.
I guess at least your dream wasn't making the grass greener argument for you, LOL. I'm also guessing that you don't have a clue as to what would bring your feelings back for H (nor do I). A month ago you would have been swinging from the chandeliers and shouting from the rooftops if H had done that to you. Look at the good side of it....he's got at least some of that aggressiveness that you were seeking in him, but it isn't easy for him to access it.
I feel for you sista, you got it bad! Just think about leaving a couple crumbs for him. Maybe you should email him a link to csw's thread I'm keeping you and your H in my prayers.
That's good: libido in hibernation. It certainly describes me these days. I haven't worn my wedding ring in so long that the indentation on my finger has almost disappeared. I've been very low key with W.
So guess what? Now all of a sudden she wants to sleep with me (?!?!?!?!?!?!) For the last two nights the kids dutifully marched into their own bed and W and I stayed up, one night to clean the house one night to talk. Then we went to sleep. Was it HP whose half just wanted to go back to sleep? Well that's the way it's been with me. I wake up and see that W hasn't abandoned me. This comforts me and I go back to sleep. I've been sleeping really well!!
I'm not mean or cold to W during the day; in fact I occasionally hug her and she still gives me dirty looks. But I've spent more time with here one-to-one in the last week than in the previous three months. We even went to the beach, something I didn't think we'd ever do.
This weekend is our anniversary (9/11). It looks like dinner downtown and then I guess walking around. It's a great city and we don't get downtown much, especially for sightseeing just the two of us.
I'll tell you this, there is an element of us hardly knowing each other anymore. It's hard to get away from talking about the day-to-day struggles and chores. I keep hoping she has dreams beyond owning a four-bedroom house.
Well, GGB, I don't want to hijack Karen's thread with my own sad tales of woe, after all, she had a good weekend, so I guess I will start another thread. See you there.
Quote: I keep hoping she has dreams beyond owning a four-bedroom house. /quote] That is a nesting instinct. Birds have it. Some male birds build a nest and the female bird chooses her mate for the season based on the nest she selects. Maybe your W and her flying is similar to a female bird's instincts? male weaverbird’s> The rigours of making a nest< clich here to read the story.
Good to hear you guys slept together. I know the feelings of sleeping alone. I did it off and on for 5 years mostly because BB is a light sleeper and I snored. I remidied the snoring about a year ago but we still sleep in seperat rooms sometimes.
BB has her pets, hot flashes, and likes the radio on most of the night. Your W has the kids. Different situations but many of the same bad feelings.
Paul, what has done the most good is to be fair and don't be afraid of confronting BS when you know something is BS. Difficult to see the BS sometimes, I know. Gently but firmly at first and you might keep making progress.
Came home yesterday to absolute chaos. H had a bad workday. He said that it was too bad to even discuss. The kids had left the chore list largely undone and had created messes around the house. Three of five had no school or work yesterday (they are in college). He had already screamed at them before I got home. H rarely screams but when he does it is ugly. He prayed at dinner for "just one thing to go right".
I ended up going to bed before him and he came in and snuggled me soooo tight I almost cried with relief that sometimes he does remember that I am someone to come to. Sex? Who knows when he will next feel any desire. When he is stressed he just doesn't.
Does it matter to me that I am anticipating another sexual layoff? Yes. A great deal. What to do? I'm not sure. I really mean what I said in another thread. A lifetime with little sexual contact strikes me as a sad and colorless life. A lifetime without H would be worse. So, I guess I am left to negotiate these times with H as best I can and as best he can.
We are having a family meeting on Friday night. I plan on addressing most of the issues and letting H have the luxury of the back seat. He usually handles the big discipinary type discussions. Maybe if he feels supported he will be more able to deal with his stress.
Thanks for asking. Well...the sexual layoff continues. We had the discussion with the kids. That was good for our family. I got dressed for concession stand duty on Saturday in a tank top, short, baseball hat and kissed H goodbye. He said, "Just what is it that you plan to sell at the concession stand?" It was obvious that he thought I looked hot. He mentioned it several more times that day and Sunday. On Sunday I finally said, "if you feel like that about it then why are you on the other side of the bed?" Then I got the "tired" speech. And the layoff continues.
H has been training for his first Olympic distance triathlon and the training is taking a lot out of him but...since the only position he favors is female superior I don't think muscle soreness is that much of a barrier.
As usual I am left confused. What exactly is the barrier?
More sexual layoff. H decided to discuss it more last night. He was rubbing my azz on the couch like he was about to rub it off. Mentioned the shorts and tank top again. At bedtime he complained about how much his hip joints hurt from training and how he wished he was physically up for sex. How am I supposed to believe that when nothing happens day after day despite repeated evidence of horniness. Yes, we are both controlled by his inaction. How miserable.
I'm keeping you and your H in my prayers. 
male weaverbird’s>