Yes - I was fairly LD within my first, miserable marriage. In my case it wasn't really discomfort with sex it was with the R itself. The more unhappy I was in the R, the less sexual I felt. Plus, ex-H had a field day with my insecurities - "you aren't sexy", "you are fat", "you need bigger boobs", "you need to dance around in sexy lingerie every night", "your clothes, hair, makeup aren't sexy." It had a lot to do with respect - I lost it for him and myself.
However, it doesn't help me in understanding H's LD because he professes to think me a wonderful wife, partner and mother. He professes to feeling very passionate about me. (Huh?) He professes to finding me attractive. (Not so you could tell). Anyway, I can understand the whole thing in the context of having sex when you dont' really desire it. It is difficult to participate especially if you are nursing resentments. H professes to have no resentments or areas of anger with me. H is just "too tired" or "too busy" to ML regularly.
I would love to help work through H's discomforts with sex. He pretends he isn't uncomfortable - behaves with some bravado about the topic. I have asked about fantasies. He "doesn't know." The ONE time he decided to address is is while we were dating he staged a beautiful seduction scene on New Year's Eve where he took off my clothes, gave me oral etc... all on the LR sofa. He put my hand on his crotch and said "This is one of fantasies."
I have asked about positions and he says he just isn't comfortable with any other ones - side by side or female superior are all he is comfortable with. He is concerned with "crushing" me or otherwise overwhelming me with his size (he's 6'2" and 240 and I'm 5'5" and 115). I have assured him that I would find that very erotic. Doesn't happen. Whatever happens or doesn't happen during sex is with him laying on his back and letting me pilot things. That is where I get the idea that he is somehow uncomfortable. If I do everything then it quells his discomfort. I think.
