I have to say, GGB, that I am surprised and shocked that it has taken this level of pulling the rug to get my h to take notice of what I've been saying to him. I mean, I pulled the rug out, rolled it up, burned it and buried the ashes.
He has said that this is the only thing that would have waken him up. WHY I want to know. This totally baffles me. I've heard people on this board say things like, I didn't really know how serious he/she was until this happened...
but that doesn't have the full ring of truth to me. I think that it's more that they were NOT going to change until they realized that they had no other options. IOW, fear of having to change..of the unknown..was keeping them rooted in their old behavior, even as they saw things crumbling around them. The signs were there, they ignored them, because they were more afraid of changing than they were of their spouses' anger or disappointment. Then when it all falls apart, suddenly they are more afraid of losing them than of change. But it takes that level of a threat to jolt them enough. I find this disheartening.
My H alternates back and forth between being sad and acceptance. He is convinced that there is a flicker of love somewhere, for him, and I've not argued the point. Perhaps he's right. I sure don't feel anything now but that could change.
He was asking repeatedly if I was going to leave him and I assured him that I have NO intention of doing that, now or later. That seemed to pacify him. Then he said that he was the type of person who would be rocked by this announcement but would eventually accept it and settle into our new routine. A csw he aint, Lillie!
Anyway, GGB, I wanted to say that I find it amazing the level of abandonment that has to occur in order to get my spouse's attention.
