Been thinking about the general downturn of emotions on this board and especially about HP and Mr. HP. So, Honey called a spade a spade. She had been telling Mr. HP all along that this kind of M and the rejection of a whole side of her as a person would eventually kill her feelings of passion and romantic love. Guess what - it did. I don't know that it will stay that way forever but it certainly makes sense. KWIM?
I called H this morning after a brutal night up with baby all night (she had shots & a cold) and left him a long cell phone message. I a sick too. I was courteous. I told him that it would be a long whiny message so it might be best to listen to it at lunch or on the way home rather than first thing in the am.
I went through the list of things that I am concerned about: some kid stuff, some job stuff etc... then I told him that it seems that I am either invisible or complaining. That in order to be visible I have to be the malcontent. That as far as I was concerned he and I barely have a relationship anymore. That I didn't care whether he took Italian but I did care that he never considered me anywhere in that equation. It never occurred to him to include me or even to feel badly on my behalf that I couldn't attend. That I am hating how I feel, that I need an actual response from him and that I need his help. I don't know what all else I said. I guess I took him by suprise because he left me a message to say that while he didn't understand all that I am feeling that he wanted to tell me that he loves me.
I guess I'm not sure how I feel about that. As I have so often said before. Love me how? Like what? Like a roomate? A good friend? Like your sweet old Aunt Bessie? Like I love you but I'm not in love with you? I just don't know.
