This reminds me of something I read a few years ago in Oprah magazine when my husband was still alive. It had a profound effect on me. Turns out it's from John Gottman's book The Relationship Cure. Here's a summary of the principle:
Quote: Introducing the concept of the "emotional bid," which he calls the fundamental unit of emotional connection, Gottman shows that all good relationships are built through a process of making and receiving successful bids. These bids range from a quick question, a look, or a comment to the most probing and intimate ways we communicate. Gottman's research strongly suggests that people in happy relationships make bidding and responding to bids a high priority in their lives, and he has discovered the fascinating secrets behind mastering the bidding process. Those who do so tend to "turn toward" bids from others, whereas most problems in relationships stem fro either "turning away" or "turning against" bids for connection.
Presenting examples of bidding, Gottman teaches readers how to assess their strengths and weaknesses in bidding, as well as those of the important people in their lives, and how to improve where necessary. He draws on the latest research to show readers how their brains' unique emotional command systems, as well as their emotional heritage -- their upbringing, life experiences, and enduring vulnerabilities -- affect how they make and receive bids, and how to make adjustments. He then introduces a set of enjoyable and remarkably effective ways to deepen connections by finding shared meaning and honoring one another's dreams.
I haven't looked into this book (I'm burned out on books at the moment), but I think this is kind of what you're talking about, k. Right?
