AAAAACK.. the roller coaster just keeps going. H has lied to me yet again about financial stuff. I'm pretty hurt about it and feel "sick" inside. Like I could pull the covers up over my head and cry for a weak really. I just don't understand.. never will understand. We've been working on this for months and I feel like he'll always lie and hide things from me. Every time I feel like letting my guard down, I take a boot in the butt. It sucks! I don't know how we'll ever make this work.. and I'm so unsure that I even want to anymore. Part of me thinks I have to stick it out because the kids would be devastated, but then I contemplate a future of pretending with H I hate that thought. And, I wish that I didn't know the destruction an A would unleash on my life or I'd probably be looking for an EA to escape to myself!
Gosh, it would be nice to just enjoy a man's company, not have to worry about how/when I was going to be lied to and hurt, and RELAX. It's chilly here today. I just want to cuddle up and do nothing and feel loved, but that's not gonna happen in the near future
Thanks for listening to me whine.. it helps t get that off my chest.
