Hey Bud! It's sweet of you to check on me I'll try to make this short (but you know it's not likely) My heart is is great shape! YAHOO!! They made me stay on the treadmill the whole nine mins so I could tell everyone I'm in above average shape for a 38 YO woman. So, that's what I'm saying

Very interesting discovery though. The Dr. told me to gradually decrease my caffeine intake and I had to go cold turkey for all the tests. My heart stopped racing. Today when I had a cup of coffee.. it started again. I went to my family Dr after the heart results to talk to him about my circulation probs and he's concluded that I have Raynaud's syndrome. So, no caffeine or nicotine for me anymore. It makes sense though.. and don't laugh at me for being an idiot, K? Last week when I worked late there was a lot of food in the office. I brought stuff I knew I'd eat that was healthy, but we also had A LOT of chocolate cake, cookies, etc.(And I'm a chocoholic at heart!). Also, I was drinking so much coffee... about 4 times what I usually drink because I was introduced to hazelnut creamer and I couldnt get enough of it! Late nights, coffee, chocolate. Well, you get the idea.. I should know better! I've suffered for a week, but today my chest feels much better. My heart isnt racing. And I know what to do to help the Raynaud's. Just a few more tests, but I'm relieved!

After all of that do you still want an update? Did you know your last post would give me much food for thought? Not much said, but it did! Good thought though. About me being the WAS that H has somehow kept in this R. And about me seriously deciding to change without depending on him to change first.

That thought and I think him changing his meds has helped. Things are going good right now. The atmosphere is different around here too. Not sure why.. maybe because we've been focused on other things besides our R. H's attitude seems much different. He's offered to take me to visit my Mom next week. He's taking a week off work to stay with the kids on fall break and I didnt ask him to do it. Today he was talking about looking for a job in my home town to be near my family. Thats major.. he's never mentioned that in 18 years. I asked him if he's serious and he said "I'm not saying No to moving near your Mom" Doubtful that we'd do that, but for him to consider an option other than us just living the life we have, is big. Mr. "go with the wind" is thinking about the future and creating change? hmmmmm..

Anyway.. were you referring to needing advice from H because he's DB'd me as a WAS? He really did when we were divorced. Hadn't thought about that until your post actually. I tried to consider the course of our R and it was mind boggling. I definately fit the script, but isn't it strange that I'm the one who ended up here on the BB? I'm the one who is the most likely to run from the R, yet I'm the fixer who was bound and determined to save it this time... all the time leaving that door open to scurry out it! I remember a convo with H months ago and making the comment that I'm proud of myself. I didn't think about moving on in terms of wanting a R with someone else to cope with him moving out. I did that after the divorce.. I started dating a couple of months after he left. Over the last last 16 months, it's never occured to me to turn to another man for anything. It sounds bad, but that's maturity for me. It's scary too though because that means I know I could/would be alone if I need to be. Meaning, I wouldnt stay in our R just because I need to be with someone.

Any thoughts.. or was I way off?

Hope you've been doing well in Va. I havent had much time to check the BB the last few days, but I'll catch up soon! Thanks again for checking on me. I know I ramble too much and fail at being impeccable with my words... lol Yes, you're definately a prince BB!


Sheila