Whew Sheila - that's a lot. First off... you should be incredibly proud of your son. He sounds so mature and self-possessed.
Second, I'm sorry about your conv with your H. That sounds so stressful and demoralizing. Are you two simply at an impasse where the OW/work issue is concerned, or does he flip-flop on the issue? Agrees when it's convenient, disagrees when that's more convenient. Do you get the sense that he is past OW so doesn't understand why you aren't? Has he done much reading on rebuilding marriages after affairs?
And you know you are definitely in my prayers. Get those tests sorted out and hopefully it's minor.
you should be incredibly proud of your son. He sounds so mature and self-possessed. Thanks Anna I AM proud of him and for the reasons you say. As the kids grow I'm finding that I'm not so much proud of their accomplishments (although proud for them too), but more proud of the kind of person they're choosing to be. I could tell some pretty silly stories about how Matt's helped me to get through the last months with his wit. He tells a mean depression is like vanilla pudding story that virtually guaranteed I'd stay with his Dad until the meds kicked in.
Are you two simply at an impasse where the OW/work issue is concerned, or does he flip-flop on the issue? Agrees when it's convenient, disagrees when that's more convenient. Do you get the sense that he is past OW so doesn't understand why you aren't? Has he done much reading on rebuilding marriages after affairs? I don't think it's an impasse really. He agrees he needs to find another job. He only flips flops on the issue as far as my feelings are concerned. I think you nailed the prob.. he's over here and doesn't understand why I'm not. He says he doesn't have feelings for her and I should see that. Therefore, working there shouldnt be a big deal to me. He has a point.. but my point is the cycle of him minimizing my feelings and the impact of his actions and choices.
Thanks for the prayers.. so so much. Feeling pretty cruddy tonight. My pulse rate is back up (100 resting.. is that high? not sure, maybe just a little) and I get tired if I move around to do much at all. Gonna get to bed and hopefully get to see the Dr. in the next couple of days.
Sheila - re: the pulse thing - please make sure to get your thyroid checked. A simple panel of blood tests can tell if your thyroid is overactive. Rapid heartrate and fatigue or weakness are some of the symptoms.(Take it from me - I'm a family physician and have been both hyperthyroid and hypothyroid).
The blue hands and feet can be symptoms of Raynaud's syndrome. This is often associated with thyroid disease.
Also - DO cut the caffeine out - it will only make whatever it is worse. And take a good multivitamin.
Surely in the four viles of blood they took, they'll check my thyroid. I've had it checked three times in the last year, but maybe it just wasnt showing up on a blood test yet? I had to go two months ago for kinda the same thing as now, but no chest pains. Dr. said my bloodwork was perfect. At the time, my circulation problems werent as bad as they are now. Raynauds... A close GF has it and we talked yesterday. Havent had a Dr. mention it, but it's on my list of questions.
Thanks for taking time to mention getting my thyroid checked. I'll make sure they check again. Have you lost alot of weight with your thyroid probs? I've lost some (without trying), and thought it was just the post-bomb weight loss a lot of people go through. I've been looking for it to creep back on, but it isnt.
Ughh.. on the caffeine, but I'll do it! H put in a scoop of decaf this morning. Doing it gradually. have to admit I'm going to miss my caffeine though.
Weight loss is a classic symptom of overactive thyroid - unfortunately, I never had that symptom!!!
If you had a mild or early thyroid problem when they checked you, it might not have shown up before - there is a normal "range", and if normal for you is at the low end of the range, and you move to the high end of the range, you could be high for you but still have "normal" test results. Make sure they have done a TSH, and ask for your results. If thyroid disease runs in your family, also ask them to check you for thyroid antibodies.
I wanted to say hello because I haven't been on much lately. God, can we be in more similar places? My big mouth and/or everchanging moods also got me into hot water this weekend.
I've reached a breaking point with my H regarding finding new work as well. I ahve my own issues with my job and I was totally fixating on them this weekend. But my controlling mind likes to find as many ways as possible to include other's problems when I am supposedly working on my own! So, I got into several discussions this weekend about my H's job seeking. I asked H if he had placed a time limit on finding work before he changed his approach like going to a job coach. He said "sure, I was thinking that if by next year I haven't gotten anything new I would check out a job coach." I'm like, next year?! Does that mean I have to spend yet another year with you complaining about how much you hate working at your job?!!
So like you, I have no idea where to go with any of this.
I don't have any advice but I do have ALOT of empathy. Check out my thread when you get a chance for more info.
Regarding your chest pains it sounds like it could be an anxiety or panic attack. I used to get them so bad that my throat would close up. Alot of the symptoms you listed sound the same.
Good for your son! Maybe it will help things sink in with H if it's not just you working on things.
I always appreciate the empathy.. although I wish we werent both in such a place right now!
I'm finding myself in the place where I see that I'm half of the prob, but not sure how to fix my half except to be me and stay out of the R talks! Really,, we can't do that right now because we don't have enough trust and understanding between us.
H is making progress on his goals. Baby steps, huh? I'm hoping so. I know this will be a long long road for us if we make it. I wanna hurry it up, but I just can't. Before the bomb we had started a financial management plan. He said he didnt know anything about managing money and wanted me to teach him and come up with a long range and short range plan for us. I put a lot of hours into it and he seemed excited to get started. Then all h&ll broke loose and it went down the drain. Well, tonight he got out some paper and started drafting a budget. I'm still not feeling well and didnt say anything. He did a good job. It's the first time he's seemed concerned where our money goes and how he thinks we should be spending it. He also called about refereeing basketball. Its something he loves to do, and can make some extra money doing too. So, he's moving towards his goals, and that's good. He's basically done everything around here the last week (which I hate!), but he's done it without complaining or being highly stressed. He even folded the laundry and put it all away this afternoon. He's done the shopping, paid the bills, picked up S5 when he was sick at school, cooked dinner.. just been very supportive and caring. And, he's not acting clingy and needy. I think he's turned a corner. Let's hope I turn it with him and keep recognizing the positives.
I have an appt for a stress test tomm. Thanks for hoping me to feel better!
Dang, I need to call him and get some pointers! Seriously.
I think he's turned a corner. Let's hope I turn it with him and keep recognizing the positives.
We'll see if when one of you changes, it changes the other one as well.
I have an appt for a stress test tomm.
Good. Take special care of yourself for awhile. Love yourself (ooh, a cross-thread reference!) even when you're doing less than usual. You're lovable even when you're doing nothing, and I think H is showing you that.
(But even if he wasn't it would still be true...)
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
I think that your H working on a budget AND looking into bringing in additional income are both great signs! I think we need to keep reminding ourselves of the postives and work towards keeping them intact instead of focusing on how to change everything else.
I agree with you about my getting bent out of shape on Mondays. H and I spend all of our time together on the weekends and I hate having to lose him to that place and all of the crap that comes with it (of course including OW!). Point is my H hasn't come to a point where he can see that he contributes to the negativity of his work sitch. I hate how unpleasant it makes him, I hate how in the past he sought out company with OW. I hate it all! I love how we are on the weekends and I want that ALL THE TIME! Now, I know that is unrealistic but I want to be able to create that on some level constantly.
Have you ever come right out and said to your H that you get cranky on Sundays and Weds. because of the issues you listed? Do you think this would even be worth it?
My H has come right out and said that he never wants me to return to sewing as a full-time profession because I have a hard time handling the stress. I at first argued with him but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. I'm thinking it might not be such a bad idea (if I chose my words wisely) to tell him why I don't like Mondays (Cue the Boomtown Rats)
Sikan PS. I so wished we lived near each other. I'd totally invite you to go on walks with me. I really need a friend to just walk and talk with me.
I AM proud of him and for the reasons you say. As the kids grow I'm finding that I'm not so much proud of their accomplishments (although proud for them too), but more proud of the kind of person they're choosing to be. I could tell some pretty silly stories about how Matt's helped me to get through the last months with his wit. He tells a mean depression is like vanilla pudding story that virtually guaranteed I'd stay with his Dad until the meds kicked in. 
