you should be incredibly proud of your son. He sounds so mature and self-possessed. Thanks Anna I AM proud of him and for the reasons you say. As the kids grow I'm finding that I'm not so much proud of their accomplishments (although proud for them too), but more proud of the kind of person they're choosing to be. I could tell some pretty silly stories about how Matt's helped me to get through the last months with his wit. He tells a mean depression is like vanilla pudding story that virtually guaranteed I'd stay with his Dad until the meds kicked in.

Are you two simply at an impasse where the OW/work issue is concerned, or does he flip-flop on the issue? Agrees when it's convenient, disagrees when that's more convenient. Do you get the sense that he is past OW so doesn't understand why you aren't? Has he done much reading on rebuilding marriages after affairs? I don't think it's an impasse really. He agrees he needs to find another job. He only flips flops on the issue as far as my feelings are concerned. I think you nailed the prob.. he's over here and doesn't understand why I'm not. He says he doesn't have feelings for her and I should see that. Therefore, working there shouldnt be a big deal to me. He has a point.. but my point is the cycle of him minimizing my feelings and the impact of his actions and choices.

Thanks for the prayers.. so so much. Feeling pretty cruddy tonight. My pulse rate is back up (100 resting.. is that high? not sure, maybe just a little) and I get tired if I move around to do much at all. Gonna get to bed and hopefully get to see the Dr. in the next couple of days.

Thanks for the huggs!!!