I can so relate to something you wrote a post or two back, about how you don't want just a comfortable R. I would have settled for that six months ago, but now I want what I know is out there. Matter of fact, I want what W and Om have (or at least had, who knows what they've got now?). And it does make me very worried about a possible reconciliation. What if she can give me what I need but not what I really want? Or vice versa? Is one of us just going to end up walking away? I don't dwell on that a whole lot because in my case it's certainly putting the cart before the horse. But you're living it right now and I can definitely empathize.
I can't remember; is H in IC? If he's as insecure as he claims to be it seems that's something he could really use a hand with. People who don't think much of themselves don't expect much of themselves either, which makes it easier to screw up. Reading DR should be a good step for him; hopefully the idea of attracting your spouse instead of controlling them (with passivity, in his case) will strike home a bit. And I hope he finds a copy of _Wild at Heart_. It may or may not help but I think it certainly has potential.
It's scary, but I'm slowly coming back around to the idea that we have to work on making ourselves great and hoping our spouses get it together enough to want to stick with us and to be capable of it. But if we slow down in hopes they'll keep up, it just cracks our PMA and adds stress to a tense sitch. Better to at least be happy with how we're handling our own lives...it's so much emotional work to worry about how they're handling theirs.
So for awhile today, let's let 'em KMA while we kick some A, cause it's good for our PMA .
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