I started the day in a funk over a "kinda" argument H and I had last night. I was anticipating that it would spill over into today. I accused H of not caring (stupid I know!) because of how laid back he was last night when I had an unexpected health scare. I decided I would ACT AS IF when I talked to him this morning, and we didn't argue about it... thank goodness. He did say that he cares for me very much and if at any point he thought my life was in danger, he'd have acted to help me. Is he saying I over-reacted? Maybe. Did I? Don't think so, but maybe my level of concern was greater than his because my feelings and anxiety were involved. He probably was keeping a level head for me, and I viewed it as non-caring. I've got to stop looking at past history to determine how to interpret the things he does now.
Had a rough afternoon discussing some financial things. He's agreed to try to work out his issues with his C. He is upset and insecure that my feelings for him aren't what they used to be. I don't know what to do about it. I don't make an issue of it, but I think he's missing the closeness we shared. What to do? If we're close and then I mention a prob or issue, he asks me how can I be so loving and happy one day, but then the next, have so many problems with our R (what does this REALLY mean?). Evidently, I havent been consistent with how I feel? I'd agree with that, but it's hard to tackle the problems, but not still want to be loving and close. They are two different things to me.. one is dealing with the problem.. the other is building a loving R. But since I'm still in limbo with my emotions, I've claimed them and am not leading H to believe that we're one big happy family anymore. That makes him very insecure. What to do?
Thought I would just throw out some reminders I need:
- Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
- Do not backslide from hard earned changes.
-Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.
-Learn that anger is your enemy.
-Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you.
-Be patient. Time is an asset even when it seems to be killing you.
