Well, I'm p*ssed off at H! Have calmed down some, but basically, I'm mad at him and not sure how to handle the sitch. A sitch we've been through a hundred times, and it's always the same. Here's the deal:
H has a checking account that his pay goes into. I have a separate account that mine goes into. We pay the bills out of my checking. Have tried to let H do this in the past, but it doesnt work well (late bills, etc). When H gets paid, he takes a set amount of money and deposits it into my checking account. Now, in the past (near past), H has gotten into trouble with his checking account. Writing checks, cashing them, depositing the money back into his account, etc.. floating checks between paydays. Major major problems with keeping this straight for him. When I asked him to leave in Mar, it was because he wrote a check (nice sum of $) on my account to cover some bounced checks on his. I was livid.. had been through this before. He didn't come to me and ask me for help, he just wrote the check and let me find out when it cleared the bank.... giving no thought to what bills I had paid, my balance, etc. He assumes I can cover it I think, but then the check register for my account is on the computer and what I spend is public knowledge between me and H. Not the other way around though. As a result of all of this, he now has to pay the local police department money every month as restitution to a place that he bounced a couple K of checks to. Dont ask me what he spends it on.
I've put that expense as a household bill so it gets paid. (even though I think he should have to work a partime job to pay it!). Anyway, now he's taking his whole check and depositing it into my accoung and he's helping pay the bills. I've asked him to not write out my checks for his spending money, sign my name to my checks.. especially to the place that he bounced all those checks he wrote for cash. I've asked him to either leave enough in his account (he decides the amount) to cover his expenses and manage it, or use my ATM card so that I can see daily what he's doing and not have a bunch of checks out there that I don't know about. He has a prob with this because the ATM at his work isnt on my bank and there are ATM charges when he withdraws. I dont like this and asked him to go to my bank and withdraw money if he has to.. go the night before he needs it, ask me to do it, whatever, but I dont like paying $22.50 to get $20.00 out of the bank.
Well, he wrote a check a few weeks ago and I wasn't happy. I nicely explained to him again how I feel about him cashing my checks and asked him not to do it. Again I asked him to keep enough in his account for his expenses, but DONT write my checks. Use the card at my bank so I can keep current but dont write my checks. I consider it a violation of my rights when he does that. I HATE IT!!!
What do you know.. today, three checks he wrote cleared on my account. Now, it's not that I think he's spending un-necessarily.. I dont know. But it is that he's violated a personal boundary that I clearly set. Now I'm not sure what to do. Put that boundary in place before I decided what I'd do if it wasnt respected. I have half a mind to do things the opposite. Let him get checks on his account, pay all the bills out of it, and then keep just my spending money back and tear up all of my checks so he can't write them. Dump the whole thing in his lap. But am not sure. I'm afraid he's screw the finances up so bad that I'd regret that decision.
Any suggestions? This prob has been around forever between us. It's driving me nuts. He says he'll never do it again, but I know he will. Talking about it hasnt helped.. being angry hasnt helped.. I dont know what to do.. I can't make him change this behavior, but I don't know how to deal with it either. Why wont he keep his spending money in his account? Probably because he always overspends and he knows there's enough in mine to cover it. In the past he's also taken my checks and written them when he overspent his account. He did that when he wasnt living with us and wasnt giving me a penny of support for the kids. I was supporting us, and he was taking from his own kids. sad
Anyway, I've let him walk all over me like this and it's time to stop and make some changes. How can I enforce my boundary.. what's a reasonable response to the sitch?
sad