Had a good day after a rough Sunday evening. I opened my mouth and got myself in deeper than I wanted to about the things that H is so passive about. Have to stop the cycle. Not gonna re-hash the convo I posted on Anna's thread about him wanting me to remind and prod him, make a list of things he needs to get done. But I will say that I thought about that a lot today. How to encourage him in taking responsibility and making time for things he wants to do, but feels like he is procrastinating on. So this afternoon, did a 180 instead of going down the list and reminding him (which he sees as nagging and controlling). He almost had dinner finished when I got home from work (Yay H!). I finished up and we ate. Afterwards I asked D11 to empty the dishwasher (H and I usually do that together, and it's time she learned to do her chores on a regular basis), asked S5 to gather up the trash (he did a great job!), then asked S5 to help S2 get his socks on and use the potty. H and I usually run around here doing everything for everyone, and the kids are getting old enough to do some stuff and help each other. Anway, me and the kids finished cleaning up and I told H he had some free time for himself. Loaded the kids in the van and we disappeared for an hour and a half. Had fun playing b-ball at the park, and shopping for a few things to send to S19. It was great for me and the kids.. we usually dont take off to the park much during the week and blow off steam together. I miss doing that.. we were rarely inside when S19 was little, but now it feels like we're always doing something to keep up around here. When we got back home, H was cheerful and relaxed. Helped me with the baths. D11 made lunches. Just a whole different routine for us. The H showed me what he'd been doing. I didn't tell him that I wanted him to do anything.. just said he had some free time for "whatever". He'd actually sat down and started thinking about our financial responsibilites and he talked to me about them a little. He also spent the time doing his bible study. It was great to come home to him relaxed and proud that he didn't need me telling him what to do, or how to do it. Maybe he just needs space and quiet to get it done. I asked him if that worked better than me reminding him or prodding him about what he knows he wants to get done. And he said "yeah, it worked out great. I had time to really concentrate on some stuff"
Feel good about today and that we're trying to do things in a way that works for both of us. I've also got off my butt and did a couple of things that I've neglected. A friend told me last week that I should be living as if H isn't here.. meaning, if I'd do something positive if we weren't together, I should be living the same way with him. So, I asked my boss if I could change my work schedule (would mean giving up my Thurs with H), and put an ad in the paper for carpool riders. 80 miles a day in that van is eating the gas! I hate to give up the thurs, but then saving the gas money would pay for a sitter on Sat. I also bit the bullet and decided that S5 can ride on the school bus to school with D11 instead of paying for 30 mins of before school care. It doesn't make D11 thrilled, but she'll get over it. Her older brother rode the bus with her, and there's no use putting out money that we don't have to. So, instead of blaming H for our tight financial situation, I'm doing what I'd do if I was single, finding ways to make it better myself. Feels good!
