Gawd this place is becoming my home away from home! Well, at least I'm keeping my lips zipped here and out of trouble! Was a good afternoon. H came home and relaxed and watched the game. I watched a little, surfed the web, and putzed around the house. He's very very relaxed today and silent. We havent said much to each other at all. He's given me a couple of hugs and said ILY. Positive attitude towards the kids and ran interference while I talked with my Mom on the phone and gave them a bath later. S2 was being a handfull and H jumped right in. He said we could cuddle and watch a movie when they go to bed. D11 is at a friend's for the night.
No R talks in sight. Did I say earlier that I told H if I just shut up, pretended everything was OK, he'd go along and act like nothing has happened the last few months? Well, we're there now. He hasn't even mentioned my change in attitude at all, or how well we're getting along, or that we haven't discussed us since Monday. Not that I want to go back to the negative R discussion we were having. They weren't very productive really. But, it looks like without them, we won't be having much discussion about us. I'm trying to be patient, but fear that we'll be back to the R with a bandaid on it. And, a silent R at that without H ever discussing his feelings or anything that's not purely job, kid, or house related.. superficial. Sigh... Maybe he's just enjoying the break. I know that my attitude has created a lot of our problems. But H is still H.. passive and introverted. I'll no longer try to "make" him communicate with me, or retaliate because he chooses not to. And since he doesn't have to convince me to not be upset or that things are gonna get better.. he's not communicating. We did the thing from.. hmm.. can't remember. The questionaire from the marriagebuilders site that tells you what your most important needs are. H's came out that he needs me to take care of the house, be a good Mom, and fulfill his sexual needs. I was disappointed that his needs didnt include honesty, communication, or recreation in the top five. the other two were affection and I don't remember the other one. I remember thinking.. this makes perfect sense.. no wonder we don't communicate.. he doesn't need a RELATIONSHIP with me.. he needs someone to clean his house, take care of the kids and screw him every once in awhile! Which is what he had when he didnt live here. So, sigh.. I'm impatient. And I really want to be with someone that I can talk to and confide in. He doesn't even ask what I'm reading, where I am emotionally, what I'm feeling.. nothing personal. All I have to do is smile and that's good enough.. that I don't intrude on his peace. Well, like I said.. I'm impatient. Maybe it'll come when he sees that the changes in me are gonna last. Or maybe that's just H and I'm going to have to suck it up and accept that's just the way he is. Either way, I'm not going to let it ruin my happiness or put me back in the frame of mind that I was in. I have friends that I can talk to, and I can always come here and bore the h*ll out of everyone with my self centered ramblings!..lol
Gonna watch a movie.. wish we were getting that massage book out! Should I mention it? hmm hmm hmm Maybe I'll just lay it on the dresser and see what happens!
