Holy Moly.. secrecy and finances! Same, same for me sister! Just in case you're interested, here's a link to the "Bonds that Make Us Free" serialization.
There is just something about what Terry Warner has to say that hit the nail on the head for me. Maybe it was just time for me mentally, but maybe it's because it's so applicable to my sitch and personality. My PMA is getting a huge lift lately because of MY change in attitude. I'm giving H credit for the effort he's making, and it's a big deal that I even notice the effort because I've been ignoring that and focusing on what he hasn't changed yet. And also, I don't feel as invested in what H is doing.. i.e., I know he's the way he is.. I'm concerned, but I personally will be fine and BTW, I might just be able to live with his faults to a certain extent. I know cheating is out and lying, but if he was to tell a little fib to make himself feel better and it wasn't about something that would royally bite us in the butt emotionally or financially, I'd probably let it go. I'm starting to see how I use situations against myself and interpret them to fit my purposes. For instance.. if he lied about going straight home from work like he did last month, today, I'd probably say "well, he changed his mind at the last minute, or changed his plans". A month ago I was saying that he intentionally did something that he knew would hurt me, and that must mean that he didn't care about me or love me. And even though I now know that he was aware of my feelings and didn't care that I asked him not to meet this friend after work Mon-Weds, I now see how it shouldn't have mattered if he met his friend and how unreasonable I was being. I don't blame him for rebelling against my control by doing exactly what I asked him not to do. And I know too that it is unfair for me to use that situation to say that he doesn't care about me or love me. Clearly, he might not have been acting caring that day, but that doesn't erase all the ways he DOES care about me and love me on a daily basis. My measure cannot be that he loves and cares for me perfectly in every way or I refuse to believe it. That is failure waiting to happen.
If you want to and get a chance to read any of the link, let me know what you think.
I wish I could give ya a big hug on the distrust issue. I know, I know I know. But, I see that you say "letting" it destroy me. Big step in the right direction. There is a way off this emotional roller coaster.. slowly but surely we're both going to get to a place where we are strong and happy. And I bet once we get to that place with ourselves, we'll begin to see our Hs getting there too.. if not, we'll at least know that our lives are not defined entirely by their problems!
Love the long replies.. they give me food for thought!
What kind of freelancing do you do? And you can sew too? A woman of many talents I see! Hope it all goes swimmingly for you and you get to relax this weekend too!
I know, I know I know. But, I see that you say "letting" it destroy me. Big step in the right direction. There is a way off this emotional roller coaster.. slowly but surely we're both going to get to a place where we are strong and happy. And I bet once we get to that place with ourselves, we'll begin to see our Hs getting there too.. if not, we'll at least know that our lives are not defined entirely by their problems!