Although it's rough to be proven wrong in your assumptions, your disbelief is there for a reason. It's going to take a while for the trust to return. On your end, while you are rebuilding it, you will need to act as if for the time being. Believe me, I too have the same suspicions and then guilt for having those suspicions, then I get angry at H all over again. I'm trying to have these feelings and ride them out quietly to myself or some trusted friends. I'm saving any sort of accusation when and if something does occur with OW that I would need to address.
We are both being unfair to ourselves. Why are we beating ourselves up because we still suspect our H's of dishonesty when that is what happened? My H doesn't want to hear that his dishonesty or secrecy as he calls it, has made me not trust him. I'm working to find ways of letting him know that without it blowing up into something else.
So as much as my entire being is telling me not to react when I feel that H is being dishonest, I'm trying incredibly hard not to do so. But at the same time, I'm also trying not to add to the problem by taking it out on myself through guilt.
You slipped yesterday but it seems that H was willing to overlook it or work through it. You mentioned that he called to test the waters. Were the two of you able to talk things over? In your R, are you able to do something like apologize and say that you are still struggling with trust but that this is something that you are working on? Maybe even finding ways that the two of you can reassure each other until you get to a point where the changes are permanent.
I'm curious about your R with your H. You mentioned that you had been divorced. Does this mean that this is the second time you and your H married each other? Can you fill me in a little bit on your history?
