I know what you mean about being afraid to fall back into old patterns. I'm also struggling with the lying issue. Does my not addressing it help to move things forward or keep things where they are now, forever?
I had a pretty big realization today while at work. Check out my thread for the details. It's still kind of overwhelming to me but I'm hoping that it will give me the patience to work on myself and my sitch at a much slower pace than I had been taking.
I think that while it may seem like our worst enemy, time is our ally in all of our sitches. This is going to take time. I have to constantly remind myself that.
I had a good weekend with H, while we were out of town but I felt a surge of paranoia as I watched H check out a woman on the beach. Pretty harmless but it confirmed for me that these current problems I have with H will become permanent ones if I don't work on the core issues and not just fixate on the surface details. My H's lying about OW does not mean that H and she will run off and have a life together, therefore I can't expend much energy on obsessing about her or trying to control each time my H lies. It does mean that I will need to address the issue of lying in our sitch.
I get concerned, like you, that H isn't doing his fair share. I'm not sure how to handle that myself.
