Amen sister Here's to OUR sanity for a change!
H just came home and is not happy. I basically told him that I'm taking a time out and will only rely on his actions to determine where he is. I told him that I don't know whether I want this relationship or not. What my needs are and that Im not going to beg him to change any longer. He can row his boat, and I'll row mine. No arguments, no R discussions, no verbal manipulation. Just friends with a possibility of a future together if we happen to share the same values and goals. Rocked his boat a little and I'm sure he'll work double time on the verbal reassurances that he's going to change, but it's gonna bounce off like a rubber ball. If he wants our R, he'll show me. If not, then I'll be ahead of the game in getting on with a life without him.

Good luck PM!!! We have to love ourselves first, especially if they aren't willing and able!