Where are we? I've done a lot of thinking about our R over the years. And what I know is that I can't have a successful R with someone who us unfaithful and lies to me. I also can't have a R with someone who doesn't take responsibility for themselves and tries to make me their mother. Or someone who won't plan for a good financial future and work on that. These are three basic needs of mine. Honesty, responsibility, financial security.
No matter how much love is present, I'll always make an issue about those needs not being met by my partner. I'll be unhappy. So for now, I'm left figuring out how I may be creating a sitch where H wont/cant give those things. I need to take responsibility for myself right now while we decide if we can make it work together. That's not a given in my mind at the moment. If H cant be faithful, honest, responsible, and financially dependable, it just won't work. I have to admit that so that we can either deal with the issues or let go.
So for now I have to work on being a person that others trust with the truth. It means I have to be a better listener and try to understand where the other person is coming from. I need to be understanding and supportive of the other persons problems and situation. Not think so much of how it affects me. I need to take responsibility of my own financial situation, and let H deal with his finances. Not sure how to do this since we're in it together. And I need to back off and not mother him. Allow him to worry about his problems. Allow him to worry about whether or not he's doing his part to make our R work. Let him ask what I need instead of telling him all the time. If he cares, he'll ask. It's his choice to meet my needs or not. Regardless of his decision, I'm a good, loveable person. I'm responsible for my own happiness. I can be happy with or without a R. I let our R bring me down when I really have a good life. Great kids, a great job, wonderful friends, a supportive church family. I have so much that's good in my life, I'm going to stop letting H drag me into a bad place. I am so tired of being on this yoyo that I have no control over. I have to get off it for my own sanity. My life is good as it is.. I'm good as I am.. a good R with H is just icing on the cake. A bad R with H is not going to destroy me. It'll create problems, and the kids will be hurt.. but I can only control my half of our R. I'm stopping right now in being someone I'm not in order to make this R work. I'm going to ignore the things he uses to manipulate my feelings and start looking at reality. It's a gift I'm giving to myself. Im going to live our R as it is, and not how he says it is. Im going to accept the love and friendship he gives me with open arms, but I'm not going to give credit for progress that hasnt been made. Right now, we're just friends. We can't know if it will work out until we see if we can communicate and solve our problems. Until we have honesty, that won't happen. I'm not going to start any discussions about our R, or feelings. For the next month, I'm taking a break.. a time out. Im going to work on me and my sitch.. my feelings.. my reality. I'm going to work on the things I need to change and not worry about this R or what H is doing. I have carried this relationship emotionally and financiall for years. Today, I'm letting go for a month. To concentrate on me, my kids, my friends, my job, my church. Deal with my healing, my future, my spirituality. It might be a good break for us. A time out. H might be relieved, or it might frighten him. Whatever his feelings.. I'll be supportive and understanding, but for now, I need a break from this. A cooling off period so that we both can think and evaluate what we want for the future. Then at some point we can discuss it and see where we stand.
