The last year has been a major depressive episode, after probably years of suffering from mild depression. That's all we can tell when we go back over the last 18 years. The psych says he stuffs his emotions and doesnt deal with them.. it's a pattern he learned in childhood. Escape.. yes, he has just shut down most of our M. I dont know if you've caught our history on the other thread, but we've had a roller coaster of a R. He's consistently lied to me and others, lived a secret life, had a PA 13 yrs ago, a porn addiction (my opinion), financial problems galore, went from job to job for the first half of our M. He just basically couldn't "get it together", and the parts that needed fixed in his life - he ignored, or lied about. He also had a hard time seeing how his actions could hurt someone, or showing empathy.
He's been on Dep meds since May and he's much improved. A totally different outlook on life. Not sure how long he'll be on them, but he missed a day and it took him a week to bounce back. He's on double doses of Wellbutrin and Lexapro. The regular dose didnt help and I thought we'd have to hospitalize him.. thank God for our Dr!
Escape.. that's what he calls most of what he's done. Just running from life
I've heard of that book.. I'll have to check the library for it. H seems interested in reading about depression. I think it helps his feelings of guilt to know he's had an illness, but I also know he's afraid that he'll fight this battle the rest of his life.
Had a positive last night though. During a scheduled R discussion, H asked me to acknowledge his feelings more. He said that when he cries, or shows emotion, he needs me to respond and comfort him. He's not used to dealing with emotions or even feeling them and he needs me to help and show him that I understand. That's a first! I hadn't even realized that I wasn't doing that..I've become so used to him not needing me that it didn't occur to me to hug him or comfort him. DOH!
