Thanks PM I think we're definately turning a corner. I have to really stick with my PMA and acting "As if". H and I did have a convo about our goals and it went well. We discussed common goals and then our individual goals. I took note that my individual goals were all about me, and his were still geared toward our relationship. I asked him later if there was anything that I could do better, or not do to make him feel better about us moving forward. He thought and said that my mood changes sometimes and he's wondering what I'm thinking, and what's wrong. He worries that I'm thinking about the A, and his work sitch. I understand that.. in the past, I've been OK, and then all of a sudden I get down, or filled with anger. He is worried that we're getting into a good place, but then I'm still not really forgiving him, or letting this go. Gonna to have to work very hard to maintain the peaceful place we're in and not allow emotions or anger to take over if we have a bad day. The problem is, he's asked me to talk to him about my feelings, and I really don't want to do that and concentrate on the negative. I'm going to have to "act as if" until I regain the trust we need to have. Then he said that he's noticed I'm not as bossy. Yahoo! Major progress.. working really hard on that one. Detaching and letting him control his life without me constantly monitoring and giving suggestions (bossy me!). Laid back and accepting.. that's what I'm going for. He seems to shine when he doesn't have to worry about doing something that I'll b*tch about.
I've had my moments of doubt.. and I've snooped some. Bad bad bad! I found a napkin with a lipstick kiss on it yesterday in our van. My heart fell... it was sitting folded up by some stuff of his from work. Then I remembered that D11 and her girlfriends were in the back seat last weekend all glossed up, and had napkins from the bowling alley. I breathed a sigh of relief, but it rattled me a little. Then this morning H didnt call me on his long break like he usually does. He had called earlier and said "our friend isnt here today or something..I haven't seen her". He never mentions her, so that was odd..and when he didnt call, I pictured them eating together. He called later and said he tried to call but got my voicemail. My cell doesnt show any calls at all. ???? Gotta let it go or we'll argue about if he's hiding something or not.
Soooo... I'm glad I got that out of my system and thought it through. Nothing but happy, happy the rest of the day if he calls. And tonight we'll be watching for Katrina to come this way, so I think I'll cook and make it festive. My bday is tommorow and if it rains, I'm staying home. Maybe H will call in too.. not going to expect it, but maybe we'll wait the weather out together. During Ivan we had a great time playing cards, cooking, and just watching mother nature at work.
Actions:
Go to the gym 3 days this week Keep PMA and acting as if Compliment H and notice the changes he's making
Goals: H will initiate snuggling at least once without ML H will suggest something that he's like to do on our date day, Thurs H will discuss his feelings without me asking
I think we're definately turning a corner. I have to really stick with my PMA and acting "As if". H and I did have a convo about our goals and it went well. We discussed common goals and then our individual goals. I took note that my individual goals were all about me, and his were still geared toward our relationship. I asked him later if there was anything that I could do better, or not do to make him feel better about us moving forward. He thought and said that my mood changes sometimes and he's wondering what I'm thinking, and what's wrong. He worries that I'm thinking about the A, and his work sitch. I understand that.. in the past, I've been OK, and then all of a sudden I get down, or filled with anger. He is worried that we're getting into a good place, but then I'm still not really forgiving him, or letting this go. Gonna to have to work very hard to maintain the peaceful place we're in and not allow emotions or anger to take over if we have a bad day. The problem is, he's asked me to talk to him about my feelings, and I really don't want to do that and concentrate on the negative. I'm going to have to "act as if" until I regain the trust we need to have. Then he said that he's noticed I'm not as bossy. Yahoo! Major progress.. working really hard on that one. Detaching and letting him control his life without me constantly monitoring and giving suggestions (bossy me!). Laid back and accepting.. that's what I'm going for. He seems to shine when he doesn't have to worry about doing something that I'll b*tch about.