I just thought I'd post that there's resolution to the grass issue! I know it seems like such a small thing, but in the scope of our life, getting H to take steps and get things done on his own is major. Mostly because if I get frustrated and complain, it makes him less and less likely to do anything.. it's like he just shuts down trying. So, yesterday I didnt mention the grass or lawn mower at all. I got out of the house instead of doing my normal Sat chores and did a couple of things he would usually do. I took S2 to get stitches removed without H even mentioning it (I knew he would be pressed for time this week) and he normally does the Dr. visits especially if it involves one of the kids crying and scared. I also took both boys to the barber shop (D11 told me that they won't sit still and it stresses H out). We also did our grocery shopping.. H was expecting to have to go with us when he got home.. he was being sweet to offer because I didnt get it done Thurs. I left the cell at home. All of this is a 180 for me because he works on Sat and comes home thinking he needs to get us out of the house and do something. He was pleasantly surprised that the errands were finished and the boys were napping when he came in. I didn't bother him at work at all, and he made a comment about not being able to get ahold of me. I had 6 missed calls when I checked the cell. Progress!
We went to watch D11 cheer and H offered to grill chicken, but I told him to relax because it's hot. This morning he got up and made bfast and went to get charcoal. He said "My girls are getting their grilled chicken today" Believe me.. he's never been a cook, so it's wonderful that he's pitching in. And the biggie.. I didn't mention the grass AT ALL. And right now, he's out there mowing the grass... unbelievable. He tinkered with the mower and got it running. Michele is a genius! I stop nagging and he does exactly what needs to be done with a few surprises thrown in.
Another positive from yesterday. He keeps asking me what's wrong because I'm quiet I guess. Actually, I'm not smothering him and keeping busy with the kids and other stuff. I told him that I'm fine and asked him if he's feeling OK because he's been crashing on the love seat in the evenings. He said that he's had a lot on his mind the last couple of days, in regards to the job offer. I told him that I'll listen if he needs me to and let it go.
After awhile he came and found me and said that he's having a tough time making a decision. He said he knows it's farther away and less money, but that he's feels like every day he stays at his present job, he's driving a nail into my heart by being around OW. I told him that I understand how hard it must be to have to make a decision like this, but I'm sure he'll do the right thing. I validated that it isn't the perfect job offer and that I can see why he wouldn't want to take a lesser job and drive so far. He said that he has as long as he needs to decide, so it might be awhile before he does.
Then later he asked me to talk to him about my feelings. He said that he is constantly wondering what I'm thinking (I'm not sharing my every thought and concern with him anymore, not crying or complaining about how hard this is). We had a long R discussion with him doing most of the talking and reassuring me. He asked me about DR and I explained a little about the book. We started talking about goals and he said that we need some. I asked him if he thought he could come up with three short term goals that would make our M better. He said "why don't we sit down tomorrow evening and talk about that" He asked me what I thought would be one of my goals that would show me things are moving forward. I told him that it would be nice if we could cuddle more and be really close instead of our only intimate contact be ML. He said that we can do anything that I need to make me feel more connected to him and start building my feelings back. He also commented on something I told him the other day. I had told him that my feelings are not what they used to be and that I miss feeling "crazy" about him and connected. He asked how I feel when we ML and I said... well, I can feel those feelings coming from you, and I feel guilty because I cant give that back to you right now. He told me last night that hearing that I can feel his love for me made him feel great... just that I'm realizing that his feelings are coming back after he said ILYBINILWY. He said that he can tell I'm happier with that part of our relationship and he feels much better about us that I'm not constantly doubting his love for me. He said it was the thing that made him feel so bad... that he has strong feelings for me, but I wouldnt trust that they were real.
It seems the less I try to control.. the more he is trying. I think maybe instead of asking for what I want.. I've spent A LOT of time complaining about what he's doing. I just hope he starts feeling less and less like he has to walk on eggshells and do exactly what makes me happy. He mentioned golfing with the friend I'm not fond of and I didn't say a word of complaint. I actually hope that he does go and enjoy himself. The farther he gets from me telling him what do do.. the better!
