Hey, if ANYTHING I post gives you hope it's directed at you too!
Got a question for you though....have you flat-out asked your W how long she realistically thinks that someone can maintain loving feelings for someone else if their needs (whatever they are) aren't being met? I did ask my H that at one point, although he didn't realize I was directing it at us and stepped into an honest response of "not very long".
This week I learned something very intersting about my H. I have asked him in the past if he truly knew what love was (for him)...he said yes. Our C however asked him something different this week....."what do you think love is?" I thought I had asked this of him before, but perhaps not quite that way....his response? "A Decision"
For my H he makes a decision to love me. Sure, there are things about me that he finds attractive/appealing/desireable etc....but for him it's a decision to love me.
For me...it's not a decision, it's just something I do. I decided to marry him, I decided to stay here....I didn't decide to love him....it's a feeling I have, there's not a choice to it. I could choose to leave him too...but I that wouldn't stop my feelings towards him.
So...we are dealing with this situation in a from polar ends...and I just found this out Wednesday. We're planning to spend some time together this weekend...I plan on exploring this topic further to make sure I'm clear on what exactly he meant. However, I can see how someone as controlled as my H is....would consider something like this a "decision". That would mean he has control over that emotion...and lets face it my H is a control freak about himself, if he had a feeling that was spontaneous and out of his control...he'd be vulnerable. Hang on...I think I'm actually beginning to wrap my brain around this a bit. I'll have to explore it further though.
