It does sound like you are bit jaded, but I don't think anyone could blame you for that....all too often we do get ripped off and feel like we're wasting our time.
I hate to say it, but I really do think the key to counseling...is two-fold....#1 finding the right counselor for you (and your W), and #2 the willingness of the people seeking out the counseling.
I noticed recently when it came to counseling that "I" was doing something that wasn't very productive. "I" was relying on our C to ferret out my H's problems, or hoping he'd somehow volunteer information.....well, there was no real way that was going to happen.
Our C may have her hunches that certain things are going on...but much of a counselors job isn't to tell you "this is what's happening", it's to get you to realize it yourself...because then you will be more open to working on it. So, our C wasn't going to flat-out say to my H, H....you're doing xyz, so you need to do these things to fix it. If she'd do that, he might follow-through, but he wouldn't necessarily really understand what the problem is...and he'd end up right back where he started from.
Naturally...he's not going to volunteer what the problems are either, that would mean he'd have to communicate the things that make him feel most vulnerable and weak...and that's what he will not do....that's what's preventing him from the intimacy we need in our M...emotional and physical.
So...it's left up to me to bring things up in counseling, whether he likes it or not. When I see an issue...you bet it's going to be brought up and it's going to get put on the table for discussion. If I need something and he's talking big but not following-through, my disappointment will be brought up in our C session. I refuse to let these things be swept under the carpet any longer because I'm scared he'll withdraw and ruin all the progress we've made so far. Now is the time for me to start stepping out of my comfort zone of just voicing my needs (which used to be outside my comfort zone...but I've been doing it so long now that I'm now comfortable with it) and start challenging him when he's not meeting them...confront him in a way....which is what I'm definitely not good at and certainly not comfortable doing. I'm not good at standing up for myself with those closest to me....but you know what...I'm learning to get darned good at it now, and now, it's not so tough.
So...we keep going to counseling, I keep stepping out of my comfort zone and challenging him...and you know what's starting to happen? He's starting to actually talk about these things more easily....he's starting to be more attentive (very slowly) to my needs at home too...outside of the C's office.
I've been jaded too...still am quite often to be honest...I have to push past it though because one of us has to step out of their comfort zone... and he won't be the one to do it first, so if I want to save my M I must do what it takes. We went through several C's first though before we found the one that was a good fit for us...and that we both really like.
