Hi all, I havent posted in a while because unfortunately his grandmother has past away. Its been an emotional time on all fronts. He called me to let me know a couple of hours after it happened, and I was at both the rosary and the mass and funeral the next morning. I know this sounds cheesy but it literally hurt inside me to see him going through this. She raised him since he was a baby, her house was his refuge, it was home away from home and now that is gone. So I am stepping back and letting him be, he needs time.
Previous to this happening, he had come over to help me out with some computer stuff. His first time at the house since the D. 20mins later after he left he called just to see how it was going, we had a talk that went so, so. That night I realize how much and strongly I care for him. So much so I woke up that next morning wanting to talk to him so bad I was ready to make up any excuse to make contact. To my surprise he called me on the way to work to tell me how to uncheck some options when loading the software he had given the night before. I told him I knew that and he just said well that is why I was calling,we had a quick chat and wished each other a good day. I would like to think that it was a silly excuse to call me so early, that really he just wanted to talk to me that morning as badly as I did.
Then my b-day came on the 4th, I did not hear from him. On the 6th he sent me a happy b-day message around 8:50 in the morning. At first I though he was two days late, but then I remember him joking around in the past when my bday would come around "oh yeah your bday is on the 6th" and I would pretend pout and say no you forgot. So I think that with everything going on he got confuse and thought it was the 6th instead of the 4th. It made me very happy to hear from him,I just replied with a thank you.
Something has happened in the last two weeks, I've been feeling that butterflies in the stomach in love feeling, it is stupid, because he is not coming back, yet I feel all these good feelings running through my body, like it was in the begingin of our R. I am also seeing things alot clearer. I've re-read alot of the posts and great advice I've gotten, and I can truly understand waht you all having trying to say, it is all making sence. Is like coming out of the Fog. I am still in pain, when I saw his best friend at the wake and he asked me how I was, tears started streaming down and I said not good actually pretty bad and asked him not to tell my XH,ofcourse it would be silly to think he wont.
