I've had a week full of emotions. I guess that is what we are all experiencing going through something like this. From being extremely mad because of what is his putting me through. To been totally devastated everytime I see him and drive away from him. I had to see him for business yesterday (did I mentioned that after the D a month ago I've seen him once everyweek for one reason or another,crazy I know.) , for the first time I did not do any R talk. That was a huge step, cause I do everytime or I hint at knowing that there could be OW. But my resentment still showed a bit when he offer some help and I said "I don't think I want to call you" he looked sad for about 3 seconds. Still when I drove away I knew in my gut that he will never come back, that there is no more feelings left. He cares what happens to me, he's told me and I know he does. But lv, not anymore. All it feels is like this huge vast valley between us and that we could never be in that loving way we once were. That it is just not in him and it will never be. And feeling that from him hurts the most. He does not have to speak a word, is just a feeling I get from him. I think I am out of hope. Before the D, he wanted to start fresh, that the only way to wipe the slate clean was to get a D and start as friends. He felt that would be the only way we could have a chance, to start from square one to rediscovered each other and value what we had. I haven't heard that tune in a while which makes me think he is involved. And if that is so I feel like I might just have to move on.
