HI Burgbud- Thanks for your reply. My brother is not the most computer literate person and does not have the time to get online - plus he is still on dial up!
Anyway, so I am the DB surrogate for him and his sitch! AT the moment brother's W's pain is and I will directly quote a reply from her to me: "After a lot of trial and error I am blessed to really have my fibro management in line. It's been quite a ride! Hope all is well with you and Bill..." So of course it is "in line" cuz she is taking all those meds! Her reply was in response to an email I had sent to her about a friend that just got through doing a 4 year trial program for a new drug for chronic pain--I suggested that it may be a good solution for her.
As for things in SIL's background-- oh boy-here is the can of worms: Her mom committed suicide at the age of 39--by prescription drugs. Her older sister died at the age of 39-after alcohol abuse to the point of no return-she basically ended things on her own with illegal drugs. SIL was married at a young age--I think in part to escape and to be "taken care of". Well her ex was an alcoholic and she did her share of drinking and drugs too. She has been on a straight and narrow path for close to 20 years..but in the past 8 years or so has found herself "spiritually"- and reads the bible 1-2 hours each morning, etc. IMHO, gone a bit overboard in that respect--this has also brought on a "better than" attitude on her behalf and that you are not a good Christian unless you do this, etc.- and has put my brother down for not being a bible reader like herself, etc. I don't think she does have coping skills- I think she has run away from her past over and over again--and has even said to my brother when he has brought up "their good times in the marriage"--her reply, "I don't look back, I only look forward".
We are not sure the complete circumstances about her mother's suicide--but it was after she has walked away from her husband--so it is really hard not to see the similarities and history repeating itself--or the potential for that to happen....
Has my brother minimized her pain--in the past, probably so. He is pretty much the kind of guy that rarely takes an aspirin (much like myself)--, so it is hard for him to understand that type of pain. But according to her, seems like her current pain is "managed" or "in line".
Her doctor is a neurologist--not sure if that is appropriate or not for her conditions?!?
Ellie- you ask if the meds were just recent--she has been on a myriad of drugs for at least 10 years..after the youngest was born it all started with Thyroid problems, migraines, post-partum depression..so she was seaking help for all this..somewhere along the line they diagnosed her with the fibro (at least 5 years ago)--and tried various meds over the years-- most of what she currently takes now has been in effect for 3 years or so..also about the same amount of time that she has lived outside of the master bedroom.
Over the years--many financial issues--basically she would spend it faster than my brother could make it-- and he has his own business, is very successful - she got used to living high on the hog--and when business slumped she did not know how to curb her spending--actually "god provides" was her motto--The night she moved into the back bedroom was after a financial fight about "where is all the money going" and she could not answer my brother on this one.. now 3 years later after she has moved out my brother is seeing all the junk, crap, useless items she has purchased over the years... finances were a big issue along with lack of communication or poor communication at the very best. This past week, my brother discovered that she transferred money from his personal account into hers...also used an ATM card for a furniture purchase that he has specifically given her a check for...so she basically got double the money. He has since closed those accounts to get her off of them, but about $2000 too late! He is going to make an appt to see an attorney tomorrow so he can at least get himself protected and knowledgeable on what he needs to know-- biggest issue is that the house was his before he met her--he bought the land, built it himself, etc. Over the years she was added to the title, but it was still mortgage paid from his monies (she never worked until the past 5 years or so when the kids got into school)...so he needs to find out if that house is still considered his or if it is subject to community property laws in CA at this point.
I hate this stuff--makes me so sad and angry with her for not even trying to work on the marriage--I honestly think she is running away, just like her mother did and cannot face the past, which is something she would have to face if she were in therapy...
anyway, i think it is time for bed!! any feedback from anyone is most helpful
