Hi Lisa, thank you for posting the list. It is wonderful!

I have been posting on the Sex Issues and Separated boards, but I really do think my husband is having a very early MLC (he just turned 37) and wanted to seek some advice.

People have been telling me that it is time for me to divorce H - basically no one sees any hope in my situation anymore.

Long story short - my H said he wanted to get a D on Nov 29, 2004. He said he does not love me and he has never loved me in the past. It was only lust. We have been married for 12 years and together for 15 years. We have a three-year-old son. We tried MC with two different counselors to no avail.

We had a huge fight in Jan 2004, and that is when H used the D word for the first time ever in our relationship. We should have gone to see a counselor but we made up that night and we never followed it up to my deepest regret. H has been stressed out since 2002 with his job and our first child. H was often having problems sleeping and was sighing a lot.

H was diagnosed with sex addiction last year (June 2004), and at the beginning by seeing a SA counselor and attending SA meetings, he made wonderful improvement in our marriage. But then he stopped going to the SA meetings and that time he started taking Prozac (his personality has changed since he started taking medication) and also had a one-way emotional affair with someone he met at church. I know this girl too and nothing really happened, as she was not interested in H, but that is when he decided his relationship to me has been causing him great sadness and emptiness. H told me he wants out and wants a divorce.

Then he lost his job in Feb 2005 and b/c of that, he stayed in our house but secretly was looking for an apartment. When I found out, I got so mad that I kicked him out that night. H came back the next morning and said let's give it a serious try now. We decided to go to Hawaii. Also he cried one time and said what he has said over and over to me that he has never loved me in the past was a lie, and he loved me very much. I cried too. When we returned from the trip, H decided to leave, and he found the apartment. It was the first week of May 2005.

Initially he said spending some time separately is a healthy thing for both of us. H wanted to remember his feelings for me. H said there is no way he wants to see other woman. Three days after he moved out, he called and said he loves me and he is glad he moved out to find it out. The next day, he said what he said to me the night before does not mean anything, as he just used me emotionally to calm him down. He could sleep after talking to me that night and that is all he needed. He said he was not coming back.

A week later, he said he cannot wait to meet someone very different from me. I asked about what he said about not dating anyone and also what his therapist suggested (he suggested to my H to not date anyone should we get divorced for the next 5 years b/c H is not emotionally stable) but he did not care.

Since then I have cried, begged, reminded him how much we loved each other and how much fun we used to have together, told him how much I love him and need him, said our son loves him and needs him too..., basically I did everything I should not have done. H got more and more mad each time I did that. In the end he said "I have too much anger there is no way I can come back". "Divorce is the only way". "If we think we still want to be together within the next year or two years we can do that but for now divorce is the only way out"

I have dropped the relationship talk, stopped asking him to change the doctor or medication, stopped asking him to go see a counselor, stopped chasing. Still H's mind is made up firmly. On his birthday, I gave him a small present saying that it is from DS3. I showed up at his apartment parking lot unannounced with DS3, and H actually liked it. H kissed me on my forehead and said "it was a nice surprise", mainly because he got to see DS3 unexpectedly. Still, H was happy. I hoped he would soften up a bit. It did not happen.

Last week H contacted a mediator. Last night he found out I asked my inlaws to watch DS3 while I was gone on the business trip and got so mad and apparently yelled at his father "Hoping will be in a deep trouble in court because she did not ask me first to watch DS3".

I don't know why he hates me so much...

H is desperately seeking for a happier life and he has decided he can only be happy without me....