If your h is abusing you on the phone can I suggest my technique? My Mum had schizophrenia and later dementia.She was often paranoid.. I loved her as much as anyone can, but she was so nagging and verbally abusive when not well. She could rant and rage and knew me so well she could really upset me.On the phone I developed this wee trick!
When she got into her rant.. i would strike up in my head a bagpipe band or a brass band.. I would march up and down swinging my free arm and making silent oompah or whatever noises with my lips.. I would swing the phone like a baton.. swish..! Then back to my ear as I marched up and down the hall.
I would say.." yes Mum,I understand".. Or "Ok Mum" or "Sorry about that Mum" Whatever seemed right, every few minutes.. meanwhile marching and swinging! My H would be creased with laughter.. and at times it was hard not to laugh myself.. I pictured her standing on a huge podium.. mouthing off ,but no-one could hear due to the band..
I know it is hard but try to see him as mentally unstable, so don't heed his words when abusing.. Try to get some block or humour to minimise the effect
If he is too awful.. do not accept it. Tell him clearly "that is bullying and abusive.. I will not listen to you" and hang up. My H did the verbal stuff for a bit but I hung up.. He was quick on the phone again to try to talk more calmly, shocked that HE was seen as a bully and abusive.
