For New Comers Do's And Don'ts

[brandnewday]

WONKA
THANK YOU!!!!
I needed to read that again.
I am at my wits end, as I feel I keep blowing it.
I will see progress, and things seems to be moving along slowly and then he will bait me into a fight and I get into it every time, which only validates his reasons for divorcing me. Then I feel like S**T and end up apologizing for my words/actions.
(For years I never apologized for things, now I
am doing that).
No, I never ever get an apology.
I have stopped expecting one.
Should I keep apologizing when I screw up?
I am told that I do not understand him as a person, that I never knew him. I have kept him in a box and now he is finally free to be his own person. He moved 3000 miles away to look for a job, but the only postive thing is that he wants me and the kids to relocate once he has a job( He forgets he is unemployed, has 8 kids, a wife and a mortgage payment).
Sometimes he will call me out of the blue to get my opinion of something, like he wanted me to read his new resume, or hear the AD he had written, he told me he valued my opinion in that area.
I made the mistake of telling him that I missed my best friend, he blatently told me that we have never been friends, I don't know how to be a friend.
I have beautiful cards that he has written me over the years telling me how much he loves me, that I am his best friend, that he looks forward to each passing year with me, etc.
He denies ever having written those things.
When I asked him about his last month at home when we were going on dates,and hanging out and even sleeping in the same bed, he said something nasty, " I just was being a nice guy and trying to keep the peace".
I think he is lieing, but his words are so convincing.
Am I in total denial that my marriage is over or is this typical MLC behavior??
He ran into an old friend and told her that his mind was made up and that he was resolved to doing this. She said that you don't act like a man who wants a divorce, and he said I am just trying to be kind, and respectful.
The ugly words that come out of H mouth, and the things he says and does are so off the wall
One of his friends invited me out to lunch to see how i was doing. He called her up to see if I had been asking questions about him, and told her that she didn't have to talk to me if she didn't want to.
Then he accused me of harrassing her at work.
this is totally untrue! It is paranoia!
Sometimes he is hysterical on the phone, it is insane!!
He says he is absolutely resolved to a D and that is the way it is going to be, nobody will change his mind.I will probably be venting alot more on this board now that I am starting to finally "get it"
I am sorry if I drive you all nuts.
I feel bad for my kids watching this happen, they miss their Dad right now, and I know he is not going to be coming home until he is ready, if ever.
I am watching the man I love self destruct and there is absolutely nothing I can do to help him.
I do have one question though, the verbal abuse, how do I deal with that. I have set boundaries for myself, but they keep being crossed. Then I feel like his Mother because with boundaries there are consequences. I do not like being talked to like crap all of the time.
I have made the mistake of not validating his feelings, instead I have been defending myself, and this only makes him angrier and angrier. I am having a hard time with "shutting off".
The words hurt!!!
His actions hurt!!!
My kids are hurting and I am stepping up to the plate for them.
I know I am in this for the long haul, but i need to know if this is just a man gone mad or if this is really MLC!!!