Quote: Is it possible you can just enjoy time with XW naturally and not worry about your next move (or hers)? Maybe you can just be instinctual about that.
Part of the time things are natural, in fact like we are still married, but the other part, especially when she just arrives or calls, I am conscious of my words and actions. I must say that it is getting better. When I reached the point where I didn't want to act mysterious or busy when I wasn't, things felt more natural to me. I'm still myself while I'm around her, just cognizant of not pushing the envelope in some areas, especially physical, and in addressing her love language even if that doesn't feel natural to me. But that will become more a second language over time. But I agree, and I'm sure Bruce would second, I think too damn much.
Okay, here's my update: X called during work to tell me of an accident her son had on the playground. After work I called to see if he was doing alright and he was, so I just basically said "that's good, see ya later".
She had indicated earlier that her son wanted to come over, and since I hadn't mentioned it, I guess I felt I didn't want her to have to call back and bring it up (although I should make her work for it). So I called her and asked if he was coming over. She said "he wants to", so I said he could and that if they wanted dinner that they were welcome to come over too.
So they all came for dinner. It was relaxed. She helped with the cooking and clean up afterwards which is a major change. At her worst point she had ditched all that and would have sat around looking at the computer while I cleaned up. It was an opportunity to have a more "natural" interaction, although I smiled inwardly at the irony of this little family dinner thing.
She hung out for an hour or so after dinner. We talked about her daughter's difficulties in school which never do seem to get figured out. Her daughter had homework so they busted it out of there even though her D asked if she could stay over. Yesterday when I was making dinner she indicated that she wanted to come back and live here, but didn't want to leave her mom. I didn't say much of anything because my words definitely wouldn't help because I was still thinking "well your Mom needs to get off the snide and just admit she loves me".
Oh, one other thing of note: She said she had a big favor to ask. I was hoping she wanted sex (and was prepared to tell her that wasn't such a big favor), but she asked if I'd watch her kids if she went to this concert. I said I'd have to look at my schedule first because I was still trying to work out a football game with my brother, but would if I was available. She kind of flip-flopped around with some other possibilities of who could watch them. I said "Don't worry about it. It's not that big of an imposition, I just need to know whether I'm going to be around then." Funny that I would ever be asked to watch the kids since she left ostensibly because I was such an ogre to her kids (as Bruce reminded me).
I do need to say that I do need a day or two of no contact. My detachment is in the toilet and I'll lose patience. I need to regain both. I mean, last night and this morning she's been too much on my mind and I'm thinking about things (like going to concerts and being susceptible to OM) that I shouldn't be worried about. I mean, I was actually wondering if by next month whether we would be more of an actual couple and I could be more reassured about her being faithful to me. We are divorced, so what the h@ll am I thinking? That's what I need to shake off.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
