Traveling the broken road....

[Just_Me]

I know when XH and I were in this stage my biggest fear was that things would go back to the way they were before and I would be hurt again. Only you can decide if you're willing to take that risk or not. For me, I'm still not sure if it was worth it or not (with everything that's going on right now). But if you don't think you can take that risk, then I would stop this right now.

Hope, I'm not scared I will be hurt again and by my actions I think I am willing to take the risk. If she suddenly quits coming by, seeing me, or says "no more hugs", etc I will be disappointed, but not hurt. Part of me says this is the right direction we are going and wish it to continue and progress, but I understand that my expectations and hers could be completely different. I realize that despite the positives, we could end up not together. In fact, because we're divorced, it seems like the odds should be against being back together. Perhaps we're both just spending time, but the more time she risks spending with me, the more chance she'll fall in love with me (or realize she already was). Does that make sense? I'm really not holding a whole lot back at this point. I show my feelings, just don't say them, except I have largely quit initiating the calls, etc. I'm trying to go at her pace.

I'm trying to figure out where I said we couldn't talk. Sometimes she takes small jabs, but I'm not sure if it's just kidding or if she has a little resentment about something. And we don't talk about our R at all. No more "we can be good together" stuff or "give us another chance" talk. I think whether she acknowledges it or not, she is giving me another chance. When we talk, it is really relaxed and easy, just like being married before the difficulties. It's just that we don't communicate by e-mail or by phone much anymore.

And as I say that, she called this morning and we talked for a half hour or so about the movie and about her kids. It was a nice convo; not strained.