Bruce, I don't remember "measuring, labeling and quantifying the situation."
Back at work even though I'm not up to it. Everyone for one reason or another felt the need to be gone at least a half day so if I weren't here I guess the work wouldn't get done. THis is going to be a very very long day. I should have stayed home, but oh well.
Sorry I haven't posted to anyone. Not up to it, but I've read all your situations and can break my advice to everyone down very simply. Bruce: Start pursuing a bit; get better soon Gabe: Go dark, work on yourself Kevin: Go dark, work on yourself Hope: What kind of chickenshit "ILY" is a text message? I said "say" ILY--as in right to his face. Oh well, don't do it since it goes against your grain. T: Good luck on job; don't pursue; quit killing your X off so much Jo: Good news on X; hope convo went well; glad you get to see kids more; maybe you should let him attempt to run you over more often since that is apparently the turning point Beth: PPPFFTTT UD: Sorry, you've been too silent for advice. I presume you are GAL which is what I would suggest.
My updates: Went home yesterday afternoon. XW came by with her kids. Was nice and concerned. I ended up leaving her there and going back to work for a minute and then to get my kids. I said I wasn't up to cooking so we were going out to eat, she was welcome to come along. I took my sons shopping for a few school clothes (even though X's responsibility since I like to do it). Got XW's son a shirt too...a cool Napolean Dynamite one with tater tots.
Anyway, when we were ready to go eat, XW had gone to the gym so we went to eat without her. My crazymaker went a little haywire. I thought, she could go when her kids are in school, but goes to the busiest time and leaves them alone....is there someone there?? But it was an ephemeral thought. She called while we were waiting for our food. This was the crazy part...we waited and waited for food until I finally had to leave to take my youngest to a play audition and leave my oldest alone at the restaurant waiting for XW (he didn't have his food yet); Then wait a half hour at the audition; Return to the restaurant to pay for dinner; then take her son with me back to the house and give her a quick goodbye. She liked the shirt. Anyway, the only thing of note was that she was doing the touching. Granted, she feels bad that I'm under the weather, but she was at least initiating touches and hugs.
I got home and things just degenerated. What a terrible night. In my feverish stupor I had some half-dreams about getting back together and also did some replaying of how things had been like in the blended family. I got up at 3 am and read some in the tub--step by step-parenting. It only confirmed how scared I am of how things would be if by some stretch we got back together. As pointed out many times elsewhere....be careful what you wish for. But, I'm only being anxious about things; I don't think I should shy away just because it's difficult. But none of that matters until she initiates something. And that won't happen until I continue to be friendly but hang back.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
