Wes' breast exams and T's butt massages (can I say butt on the BB? ) are evidence that the R continues to exist - yes in a transformed manner. But it doesn't suddenly die or disappear in a puff of smoke once the D papers are filed.
BTW, T - My posterior is cramping up, too. Are you free?
At least I hope it is for you. I'm struggling to get through this day. I came down with something yesterday and shouldn't even be at work today.
So my update: Talked to X a couple times yesterday. Once just because (Gabe got me all worried that she was mad at me for disrespecting). She indicated her son wanted to come over, but I told her I felt like crap and that I had to run the boys all over the place. She did call again later when I was waiting for my son at guitar practice and dying with the chills. She offered to pick up my son and so I went and got hers. She gave me a big hug and felt my face with hers. I ended up pulling away (my body ached so bad and her apartment was air-conditioned so I had to get out of there) and she made so comment about me not wanting a hug. So then I took her son and my younger son home and got in bed. I was supposed to take my youngest to try out for a play, but couldn't muster the energy and said I'd arrange for a try-out today. When X got over she offered to take him, but it was too late. Then she walked the dog (I couldn't manage anything other than opening the door and letting him out). She was very sweet. Anyway, I left this a.m. before she got there to pick up her son. I need to go home, but I suppose I'll just try to get through this work and get out of here early.
That's it for updates.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Thanks for the well wishing. I'm going home. It's not getting much better and I think I'll go home soon. Just a few things to finish around here.
My X called after I typed the last one. She wanted to see how I was. Nice convo about her kids. The thing I've noticed is that she has moved into a phase where she does seem to initiate quite a bit more and show more caring. Could I be actually getting somewhere?
As I try to evaluate progress or not I think I can say there has been, at least in the past month. -I initiate much less; she initiates more of the convos -almost all negative, snide, sarcastic remarks have gone -no flashes of anger about the past -just a less forced friendliness -sees me as the person she can talk to, confide in, comfort her (she actually told no one else about her aunt/uncle saying it was a secret from everyone else)
Negatives: -contact still frequently involves "favors" (these are usually not much in the way of favors....mainly her son/daughter coming over) -No more "cotton candy on the brain" type confusion about us. Is that a bad thing? Has the divorce allowed her to resolve her doubts about it? -If R talk ever comes up it's still "been there, done that"
Another part is that I worry some of her behavior is motivated by the fact that she still needs me for stuff. If everything suddenly fell into place for her (ie lottery, OM), I wonder what my role would be. All the more reason to be sure that my life is as I want it without her.
And since that evaluation was all about her/us, I better indicate that with the exception of some professional goals I need to work on, I'm heading in the right direction. I still also need to make more new friends, but that will take some time. But I'm generally happy with my life and I don't feel like I need to fill the "void" with my XW.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Quote: Another part is that I worry some of her behavior is motivated by the fact that she still needs me for stuff. If everything suddenly fell into place for her (ie lottery, OM), I wonder what my role would be.
Why are you even thinking about this? Really? You have a nice list of positives. You and her are getting along well, stop analyzing every little thing that happens. You say most of the favors involve the kids. This is a bad thing? She wants you to be involved in the lives of her kids and she wants to be involved in your life. Relax and just enjoy things for a while without constantly wondering if there is a motive or something else going on that you don't know about.
Quote: stop analyzing every little thing that happens
Ok. There wasn't anything at the moment that I was analyzing about us. Things seem good.
Quote: You say most of the favors involve the kids. This is a bad thing? She wants you to be involved in the lives of her kids and she wants to be involved in your life
Why now? (I know....I just said ok to not analyzing). The reason she left was to remove her kids from my (and my kids') terrible presence It just bugs me that it's okay for them to spend the night or that she asks me to watch them so she can go to the gym or whatever. But, as you said....I should take the opportunity to enjoy the moment and relax.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
) are evidence that the R continues to exist - yes in a transformed manner. But it doesn't suddenly die or disappear in a puff of smoke once the D papers are filed.
It just bugs me that it's okay for them to spend the night or that she asks me to watch them so she can go to the gym or whatever. But, as you said....I should take the opportunity to enjoy the moment and relax.