Thanks for the well wishing. I'm going home. It's not getting much better and I think I'll go home soon. Just a few things to finish around here.
My X called after I typed the last one. She wanted to see how I was. Nice convo about her kids. The thing I've noticed is that she has moved into a phase where she does seem to initiate quite a bit more and show more caring. Could I be actually getting somewhere?
As I try to evaluate progress or not I think I can say there has been, at least in the past month. -I initiate much less; she initiates more of the convos -almost all negative, snide, sarcastic remarks have gone -no flashes of anger about the past -just a less forced friendliness -sees me as the person she can talk to, confide in, comfort her (she actually told no one else about her aunt/uncle saying it was a secret from everyone else)
Negatives: -contact still frequently involves "favors" (these are usually not much in the way of favors....mainly her son/daughter coming over) -No more "cotton candy on the brain" type confusion about us. Is that a bad thing? Has the divorce allowed her to resolve her doubts about it? -If R talk ever comes up it's still "been there, done that"
Another part is that I worry some of her behavior is motivated by the fact that she still needs me for stuff. If everything suddenly fell into place for her (ie lottery, OM), I wonder what my role would be. All the more reason to be sure that my life is as I want it without her.
And since that evaluation was all about her/us, I better indicate that with the exception of some professional goals I need to work on, I'm heading in the right direction. I still also need to make more new friends, but that will take some time. But I'm generally happy with my life and I don't feel like I need to fill the "void" with my XW.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
