It's scary how similar your sitch is to mine. W and I are nearly the same ages as you two, married 11 years, we have 2 kids, younger is 5. W insists on having kids sleep with her. So in any case you aren't unique. My W is far from the perfect mom, though.
I do have a comment about the quickies. If W and I ever ML, it's usually a quickie, partially because we have to sneak it. But it really isn't fulfilling for either of us. Several of the people on the board describe their vacations in detail with all of the naughty bits. It appears that a vacation away from the stresses of kids and home can inspire some good nookie. See if W will go for a romantic weekend. The few times (OK the one time) I got W to agree we had a great time.
