I set a minimum of 8 times a month a year ago which I have made sure I stick to. But we have no certain dates. No saturday is date nights sex night or what ever it could be called. Would you consider this loosly scheduled sex. Yes. And see my earlier comments about "Can we ML when we get home?" I also noticed you latter comments on the "want" part, and I think in that respect (unknowingly), I phrased it in a way that my W could more easily deal with.
I have sex with my H on the average of twice a week and he still does the pity noise and self pity act anytime I do not conseed to sex. My H is not alone in this there are HD people that get sex just as frequently as my H does so I doubt he is the only one that reacts in this mannor either. Well, I think this is an issue where I can easily see how he creates a problem of his own. If he agrees that he can be happy with a schedule of twice a week, and then in real life, pouts and complains he's only getting twice a week, he obviously does not stick to the agreement. I would allow for 'some' pouting now and then, being disappointed when you're horny and were hoping for some LM is a natural process, but he shouldn't act like a drama queen and get all self pity and [censored]. If he can't be happy with twice a week, then you both sure need to renogiate and talk about that, and he will have to realize that his 'ultimate ideal' is impossible.
What does it matter if you had sex the day before the previous three days. It matters to the LD that is putting in a effort to alteast compromise and meet your needs at some level. Well, on the other hand, some times my W and I ML on like a saturday AND the next sunday. As I wasn't expecting much, it felt especially good and as my wife trying to put in an extra effort to make me feel loved and happy. It also makes me less 'wanting' or deprived, so in effect, it made it easier for me to get a longer period without any sex. My point is that to my W, if we had sex, then most times this means there will be a "no sex" period, EVEN if she feels into ML the next day. This is what she has told me, that she would be into it, but can't because we ML the day before. I think it's part of the self-conditioning, some keeping count where the count itself becomes more important that her willigness to ML.
It is like telling them it is not good enough. That there efforts are in vain and unappriciated. I myself am at a point that I feel defeated by this very thing. That no matter how hard I try it will never be good enough. This is an emotion I can fully sympathize with. Trouble is that like the hurt, anger and frustration from the HD partner, there is little the LD partner can do about these feelings, even if they are fully aware of them. I'd be rich and famous if I had the answer or the solution to this dillema. (and more happy. )
I see this comment alot how the LD has all the control. In the cases where the LD does not atleast try this may be true. But as a LD that does try it is the farthest from the truth. I have respect for your willingness to compromise and meet your H's needs. Though I fear you're rather the exception. But maybe that is my unfair stereotype, or skewed perspective from a HD person.
He came into the compromise from a selfish place only caring that his needs are met by his not being satisfied with what he said would satisfy him shows this. Hmmm, though. I would say in most HD/LD situations, selfishness can be found on both end of the scale. I don't think 'wanting to have sex' or 'not wanting to have sex' differ in regards to selfishness'. The difference is the HD 'receives' and the LD 'gives', but I don't think that defines anything considering 'selfish'. One could say it's equally selfish to not trying to meet your partner's needs. NOTE: That latter comment is not aimed at you, as from all I can read, I see that you're really trying to make things work and put in a real effort.
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