I like that you actually worked that out to be accurate. And yes I do seem to go from logic instead of emotions at time. I am working on that as we all know.
I do understand believe me I do. I understand from both sides of the fence. I am LD in this relationship I am not truely LD though so it does help me understand what a HD is saying to some degree.
BUT, what I've left out of the equation is that the more you try, the more your S gets irritated and the less likely your S is to do it. So the very thing that increases your chances of trying on that magical day when your S is willing, also has the side effect of increasing the chances that your S will be too irritated with you to do it anyway
This is exactly what I was trying to state with my 20 times in 30 day vs 15 times in 30 day attempt at sex. Though you are fighting your frustration and looking for that magical day of star alignment you maybe screwing yourself out of some of those days to say it bluntly. The pure irration you are causing by your efforts maybe standing in your way of achieving your goal. If you have poison ivy and you scratch it continously it is going to spread though this is not what your goal is. You just want some relief from the itching. But if you don't scratch it as often as you would like to relieve the itch it the poison ivy does not remain as irratated and has a chance to heal a little and not spead to all parts of your body. ie the irration and resentment of constant attempts/failure does not spread into other aspects of your marriage. So from the logical side it looks as if to reach your goal you should not scratch as hard. But from the emotional side we know that is not all that easy because the itch can become overwhelming.
Just from me and my perspective I say this. If I had sex with H today and later today he tried again he would most likely be told no. If he waitted another day or so before he attempted to have sex I would be more likely to have sex. But if after my no he kept attempting to have sex or be sexual ie groppy hands rubbing of lower abdomin or upper thighs I am going to get irratated and it is going to grow with every attempt he makes. I may finally give in to get him off my back (which would not work but) But the irration will still be growing until I get into lock down mode. Irrated to the point that my thighs will be glued shut. My H could avoid this by backing off a little inbetween attempts or sexual encounters. But he does not so he sabatoges his own efferts in the process. I am only trying to bring that side to the table here in the post I respond to. For every feeling of frustration and irration and feeling of being deprived of something that is important to you as a HD the LD has a form of also. Every time a HD says that a LD just does not get it does not understand cannot imagine what they are putting you through and what you sacrifice out of love and want for them there maybe simular thoughts running through the LDs head. Not all LDs try to meet there spouses needs I know that. But not all HDs try to meet there spouses needs either.
Such is the HD conundrum. And I would venture a guess that a lot of HDs opt to risk irritating their S rather than risk missing one of those golden days when all the planets align and when they actually have a chance.
I understand this though I stand to loose more money then I ever win I still invest in lottery tickets. Knowing I am just wasting my time and money on the purchase but dreaming of the big payoff.
By the way a coin has three sides but one just runs a continuous circle I think that is the side most of us are on.
