Just curious as to what you consider loosly scheduled sex? I set a minimum of 8 times a month a year ago which I have made sure I stick to. But we have no certain dates. No saturday is date nights sex night or what ever it could be called. Would you consider this loosly scheduled sex.
Ld partners more 'consent' into ML than 'go with the flow'
For me it is a mix of both. I sometimes only consent to it because I want to give my H what he wants. But other times I am not in that mind frame If he gets the current flowing strong enough it is no longer just about trying to fufill his wants and needs. I can take on some of my own. This usually only happens after I have had a few day break from his constent attempts to have sex. (Again in constent I am talking almost daily). I am allowed a little space to breath and the overwhelmed feeling ebbs away enough to allow me to respond.
Trust me that I am more than aware of the times when she SURE will not be in the mood. I won't even try in those moments
Then you are affording your spouse a respect that I am not given. So this does not apply to you.
You are not talking to people who get sex daily and pout when they have a day without
I have sex with my H on the average of twice a week and he still does the pity noise and self pity act anytime I do not conseed to sex. My H is not alone in this there are HD people that get sex just as frequently as my H does so I doubt he is the only one that reacts in this mannor either. I sometimes feel that my H does not appriciate the effort I put into satisfing his needs and he is showing disrespect of my efforts by this behavior. I am sure others here spouses that are trying to atleast meet some of there spouses needs may also feel this way. Though I am aware to meet all my H needs I would have to have sex daily and most time twice so I do not satisfy all of them but I am comprimising to meet some and I do not feel being disrespected for doing so is going to lead me to a place where I want to do this for long again I am sure I do not own oneness in that feeling.
However, you also have to honestly ask yourself how often you have used any of the reasons you mentioned for not being in the mood as an easy excuse?
Honestly maybe a few times but since I cannot get him to not try to have sex after I have spent 3 hours barfing into a toliet or have had to go to the doctors for shots. It really would be fruitless to try to fake it the results would still be the same. I will admit that if it is time for my monthly my H does not pursue sex as much as he does at other times of the month and if by chance he has not started up again by the 4th day even if I have finished I will extend my use of kotex for a day just to extend my break. But this usually only works for a extra day two if I am lucky.
Feeling deprived, we end up wanting it each and every day, as most days are 'another day without ML'. Withold food from someone for a week, and I can assure you he'll be hungry each and every day
I agree with this whole heartedly I posted on another thread once a referrence to a traveler who had not eaten in weeks and how once he was so starved that all he could think about and talk about was food. But once he had started eatting meals on a regular basis and knew he would have another meal soon the amount of food he eat each meal decreased. I was speaking in terms of how the few LD people here on the board became HD and now the spouse seems to be LD. But it holds true I do understand this concept in the large of it but it also holds true that some people never are satified with knowing they just ate and will eat again soon so remain glutenous at every meal.
Who other then yourself expects you to push for it all the time? It is your wants that push you no one elses?
You are correct in what the point was in HD post I answered that very encouragingly because I thought that this was atleast a baby step on his wifes part my response was based on what Gremlin said not HD and my interpretation of what he was saying.
In my experience, most of the times it's the LD partner who keeps count. My W has on some occasions sais stuff like 'But we already did it last wednesday!'. What does it matter (I mean from her POV) if we had sex the previous day, 3 days before that or over a week ago? I guess for her it matters, while in my opinion that isn't exactly 'going with the flow'. Sounds more like the LD partner is the one in control, designs the 'dosage' and keeps count so as to not exceed some imaginery irrelevant 'frequency'
This is the only comment you made I do not agree with in any way. First any one of us that work on a schedule loose or planned is not going with the flow. There is a criteria set that is what makes it a schedule. What does it matter if you had sex the day before the previous three days. It matters to the LD that is putting in a effort to alteast compromise and meet your needs at some level. It is like telling them it is not good enough. That there efforts are in vain and unappriciated. I myself am at a point that I feel defeated by this very thing. That no matter how hard I try it will never be good enough. Because my H does not understand why it matters has lead me here and I am to the point I feel if I cannot ever satify him why keep trying. Sounds more like the LD partner is the one in control, designs the 'dosage' and keeps count so as to not exceed some imaginery irrelevant 'frequency' I see this comment alot how the LD has all the control. In the cases where the LD does not atleast try this may be true. But as a LD that does try it is the farthest from the truth. If it was completely in my control since I do not crave sex regularly I would not be having it regularly my H and his need for sex controls my having sex to a large degree. I do not get to choose if I want to satisfy his needs I have to have sex there is no control there. there is loose of control. Any of us that are compromising have given up some control of our sex life regaurdless if we are LD or HD. Compromise means give and take. If my H wants sex 4 times a week and I want it 1 time a month but have it 2 times a week we both have compromised. Through the comprimise neither of us are really getting exactly what we want we both are still doing without something. But that is what compromise is all about. In my situation what lacks in the compromise is simply this I am satisfied with the comprimise it is what I agreed to it was important to me to meet not all my H and his needs but some my H though it is what he agreed to is not satisfied with it. H wants all his needs meet regaurdless of the cost to me. That is not a compromise that is a dictatorship. I came from a unselfish place to try to meet his needs that I do not share in when I made this compromise. He came into the compromise from a selfish place only caring that his needs are met by his not being satisfied with what he said would satisfy him shows this.
And if the frequency was irrelavent no one would be here complaining about lack of sex would they?
