We're working on the disparity. Sometimes, it shows up as an argument in which I won't back down (as I always used to do) or me just responding to her with the same sort of tone of voice she is using on me, then pointing that out to her.
My refusing to act like a victim has gone a long way toward me feeling less like a victim, and to her seeing me as a stronger man.
Sure, it's not getting me any action yet in the bedroom, but that will happen.
As for her telling me that asking her if she wants to ML isn't going to work, I just want to tell her (and I will) that she needs to work on thinking and saying "maybe" instead of "no."
