What you said makes sense but by asking the question you run the risk of interrupting what may turn into a good thing. You either A) distract her and make her stop going with the flow of feelings or B) have asked to soon before the flow becomes a current that she does not want to deny. I'd say there's 2 sides to the coin. One of the dillemas is that for the HD partner, it's extremely hard to read if their W is into ML or not. I would say that more often, Ld partners more 'consent' into ML than 'go with the flow'. We don't get much of sexual response signals, so it is more a question of try and error. Sometimes, my W 'consents' in ML, and when we get into it, she actually anjoys it. One thing which we talked about is how she often has already made a concious decision on forehand she doesn't want to have sex. She admits that sometimes when I snuggle her or caress her, she 'gets in the mood' but she doesn't want to have sex. She says she doesn't understand it herself, but it's something about she didn't feel into beforehand, that she 'decided' not to ML and then kind of 'sticks to it'.
Last sunday evening, my W and I ML. We were driving back from visiting friends over the weekend. we had some good fun, and in the car I plainly asked her: "Can we ML when we get home?" She looked at me to see if I was serious, and when she saw I was, she thought a little moment about it, and then said: "Yeah, why not?" We got home, and it was some really good and very satisfying LM. There was no pressure or 'awkwardness' on her side to it I guess, and for me there was no stress or fear of failure and rejection. It is what makes me more and more convinced that loosely scheduling for sex (not as in having fixed dates perhaps, but more like agreeing to it on forehand) will make it much more pleasant and less anxious. That's the whole point in trying to get clarity. I don't know when the best moment would be, as I grant you that while getting the W in the mood is perhaps a mood breaker. Then again, the bottom line to which I will stick is that expecting us, or telling us that "we should just try" will be more damaging than anything else. The pattern is that the LD partner sets the terms for when there will be LM or not, the LD partner is the one in command, and then he/she doesn't want to give some more clarity on when would be a good time or not? That is pretty crule if you think about it.
Gonna put this simply as this. If you are pretty sure she will feel bothered don't bother her if you are unclear if she will feel bothered test the water. If you are trying every night yeah she does probably feel pressured and resentful which are not good feelings to build desire off of.
My H use to annoy the hell out of me with this. There are clear indicators at times that tell you your spouse is not going to be receptive to you. Just from my perspective I will name some. <snip> Trust me that I am more than aware of the times when she SURE will not be in the mood. I won't even try in those moments. In the remaining moments, I simply don't know, as she kind of displays the same avoidant behavior regardless. There are no clear signals if we will ML or not. So, most of the times, you simply have to 'push on' and up the intimacy untill you either 'get some' or get rejected / pushed away. Not a nice prospect.
If we have had sex frequently and I say no and you make pity yourself noises or show signs of feeling sorry for yourself don't bother to try the next night either I am going to be pissed with the lack of respect you showed me and this will last a day or two if left alone longer if you keep trying. You are not talking to people who get sex daily and pout when they have a day without. I would say now that things have improved a little, I might get sex once (or twice) a week. I am not harassing her every morning and every evening. I am not aiming and begging for daily sex, so this characterization sure doesn't reflect upon me.
This is a pattern my H should know trying to have sex after any of the above mentioned is not recieved well. I have told him so repeatedly. But he just keeps on and on and on trying. I feel like he must be dense at times it is so simple Chris is sick her inners have felt like they are trying to become outers today I should respect her enough to not try to have sex with her today. I can't comment on his behavior as I don't know anything about this, and you may well be right. However, you also have to honestly ask yourself how often you have used any of the reasons you mentioned for not being in the mood as an easy excuse? My W for example admitted that she woud often pretend to be very tired, or pretend to not 'feeling so well' (the good old headache, etc) just to avoid my advances. So, I agree with your point, but then you'd also have to consider that your H might simply no longer trust that you are honest in this regard. Food for thought?
You run the risk of this either way it goes if you try and get shot down or if you decide not to try to avoid getting shot down. Just as the LD partner experiences this if you try every night. The dynamics of those two little words being paired together are endless It is a catch 22. An important thing I can't stress enough is that a) Feeling deprived, we end up wanting it each and every day, as most days are 'another day without ML'. Withold food from someone for a week, and I can assure you he'll be hungry each and every day. And despite this, I think most seasoned HD people here try to not 'beg for it' each and every day. We try to pick good moments, try not to be pushy or too needy. It's all a matter of perspective, and we are obviously at different sides of the fence. The only thing I would say is that you are quick to use the 'insatiable sex hungry' male stereotype. It isn't fair to use that brush to address my arguments, is it?
Who other then yourself expects you to push for it all the time? It is your wants that push you no one elses? The original point was that hairdogs wife kind of stated that was what he should do. Try and error.
If you tried (hypo question here) to have sex with your mate 20 times in 30 days and you only score 1 time. Would you stand to achieve the same score if you only tried 15 times in one month. Because unless you score always on the 15th to 20th try odds are pretty much the same either way. If the frequency of ML was a statstical science, it would. The reality is that a more likely theory is that you will have X 'windows of opportunity' for ML. Then, your LD partner will not initiate or communicate whenever there is such a window of opportunity as she's not desiring sex. At best she might 'get into it' if you try to get more intimate. As long as there is either no agreement on when would be a good time or not, or on some form of communication where the LD partner directly or indirectly signals the partner if ML is an option or not, there aren't many options left except trying to figure out when might be a good time, and just try and error.
And do you start recounting after every encounter or wait until you achieve the 20th try mark? Point to this question is just wondering how much we exhaust ourselfs with useless trying . Trying to iniate trying to avoid it all seems silly if less effort brings us the same result. I am really stressed out with all the trying out of how to feel what a person does not feel.So I may just be rambling now sorry. In my experience, most of the times it's the LD partner who keeps count. My W has on some occasions sais stuff like 'But we already did it last wednesday!'. What does it matter (I mean from her POV) if we had sex the previous day, 3 days before that or over a week ago? I guess for her it matters, while in my opinion that isn't exactly 'going with the flow'. Sounds more like the LD partner is the one in control, designs the 'dosage' and keeps count so as to not exceed some imaginery irrelevant 'frequency'.
