"Too often, women's sexuality is defined from a male perspective, says Jill P. Wohlfeil, MD, an ob-gyn who practices near Milwaukee and who is writing a book about women's sexuality. Just as we've come to recognize gender differences in numerous health-related areas-- heart disease, for instance--we also need to recognize gender differences in sexuality, she says.
"We have to completely redefine what's 'normal' for women as compared to what's 'normal' for men," Dr. Wohlfeil says. For instance, "the whole idea that successful sex means each partner reaching orgasm is a completely male view of sex."
The redefining has begun. A huge step was the 2000 publication of British researcher Rosemary Basson's concept of the female sexual cycle. Dr. Basson turned the classic sexual desire cycle defined more than half a century ago by sex researchers Masters and Johnson--conscious sexual urging, thinking and fantasizing, followed by arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution--on its head.
Instead, Dr. Basson suggested that women's sexual desire, particularly for women in long-term relationships, is governed more by a woman's thoughts and emotions than by any feelings in her genitals. In her sexual cycle, experiencing pleasure triggers arousal, which subsequently triggers desire.2
"Dr. Basson's model suggests that emotional intimacy, not biology, drives the cycle," explains Sheryl A. Kingsberg, PhD, associate professor of reproductive biology and psychiatry at Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine in Cleveland, OH.
"So women shouldn't think something is wrong with them just because they don't have that initial 'horniness' when their partner wants to have sex," she says. Generally, once a woman begins the sexual process, that feeling kicks in.
...
Understanding Desire
There are three key components to a woman's desire, or libido, says Dr. Kingsberg:
• The drive, or biologic component. This is the part of you that tingles when you think about sex or see someone you think is "sexy." You can have drive without desire. Your drive is primarily driven by testosterone, the sex hormone, with half of all testosterone produced in your ovaries.
• Social or contextual beliefs and values. Religious and cultural values will contribute to levels of desire. For example, if your value system says that sex is not appropriate for a 60-yearold woman, then you're not going to feel very sexual.
• Motivation. This is by far the most important component, says Dr. Kingsberg. "It reflects all the psychological and interpersonal factors that create a willingness to be sexual." These factors can be the quality of the relationship, whether you're worrying about your children or work, and your psychological health. Depression and desire don't mix, Dr. Kingsberg explains.
"Most women are motivated to be sexual by the desire for emotional intimacy," she says. "So while drive helps the cycle, it isn't necessarily the primary or initial factor that gets a woman willing to engage in sexual activity."
What women (and men) really need to understand, says Dr. Wohlfeil, is that a woman's libido is not something she can just turn on and turn off by taking a pill or by using a cream or by doing some kind of vaginal exercise.
"It's something that has to be nurtured," she says. And that comes from setting priorities. It could be going to bed at the same time as your husband, writing out a list of your worries before bedtime so your mind is clear to think of other things, or scheduling a date for sex.
Women who do these things, who put intimacy high on their "to do" list "are the kind of women I see who are doing much better in their relationships," says Dr. Wohlfeil. "And whether you want to define intimacy as physical or emotional, if you completely turn it off all day long and then expect this little light bulb to turn on at 9:30 or 10 p.m., when you finally get to bed, it's just not going to happen and that's when women get frustrated."
(emphasis mine, not in the original)
The author's seem to have a similar view as mine in regards to the medical community and women's sexuality.
I think as long as both men and women, whether LD or HD are leading with the idea that they *must* be horny before initiating sex or engaging in sex, then we may be continuously setting ourselves up for disappointment and dissatisfaction.
Neither or which are conducive to sexual satisfaction.
