Moving On with H

[BeingMe]

Thanks, Cat! Not so sure about 'hot', but I do like myself as a person, and don't think I'm unattractive. My H always thought I was beautiful, and I was always happy with that. Now, not so sure! I need more out of my M, and if he can't at least try, after all the crap I've been through, then I'm not sure I will be able to stick around - not as his W anyway.

I know I should give him a chance to find himself, but how many chances should one person get? We went through a period of several years in our M when he was addicted to porn, and that was an incredibly destructive force at that time. He did seek counselling for that, eventually (when I told him that something had died inside after all these years of lying, yadda yadda, and that I am now ready to leave unless he gets help). I always said that he had his chance, and yet I am still here. I must be a sucker for punishment.

On a more positive note - I have an interview next week, for a job at the local university. It's not a permanent position, but at least I will have something to do until the end of the year, and it's more job experience. Also, I may find a permanent post while there. I will, of course, still continue with my studies.

So, each day I try and live in the moment, and not worry too much about the future. Still, I am starting to lose hope that my H will ever take note of what my needs are. Anyway, I will cross the bridge when I get to it.

Sorry, about the negativity - just one of those days.