Moving On with H

[BeingMe]

After all my H and I have been through, I still feel mistrustful, and (yes, I admit it) resentful sometimes. He is going through a bit of a depression right now, and will not go to a C for help. Says just talking to me about his issues helps, but that puts a lot of pressure on me, to constantly be the one who is upbeat and with a PMA. Normally, it's not a problem, but I have been under a bit of stress myself, with exams, etc. He says he just wants some compassion - WTF!!!!!! I have only been compassionate, and caring, yadda yadda, since his selfish actions, and extreme lack of compassion for me and the kids!!!!!! I hope this is the last vestiges of his MLC, because if this carries on too much longer, I am going to have to rethink my commitment to the M. He is not interested in ML either, and hasn't been in the last year. I guess because of the depression, but then he should get help, surely!!!!!

Eh! I just don't have patience anymore. There have been several times through our 20 year M, where I have had to be the one making changes, being compassionate (in the face of his selfish choices - porn, and now EA) and understaning. ENOUGH! When is it my turn to have my needs addressed, time for some caring and compassion from him? When I was depressed and not interested in ML, he was dragging me off to the doctors for hormone tests, I went to a C, even to an alternative medical practitioner, to find a way to get over it.

Ugh! Enough venting .... just got in from writing my final exams, and I just needed to get all that off my chest. I just really don't know what to do, so will remain detached, and take it one day at a time. He is, at least, still affectionate, contacts me throughout the day, tells me he loves me all the time, and does talk to me about his concerns. So, I will focus on the positives, for now.