I Looked up the definition of Soul-Mate on websters.com and found this definition kind of interesting: Soul Mate - "One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity."
Ok for me you are either soul-mates or you aren't...there's no building toward that (IMPO). The way I see the term "Soul Mate" is that this is someone, you have that instant connection with, it's that person you don't have to talk to but know exactly what the other is thinking, this is someone you feel you've known your entire life when you meet them, you see things similary, you feel things similarly...you know, the other person just "gets it" when you're having a conversation, stuff like that. And then of course the sexual connection is also there...but it's just a part of the whole thing. Why do I say that? I've had that, and there's no mistaking it in my book. Do I have a soul-mate now....no, but I have a WONDEFUL man in my life who I don't want to lose.
CeMar, it's this type of vicious cycle, circular thinking that I believe keeps you where you are at. It seems you have this "IDEAL" in your mind and you won't accept anything other than that "IDEAL". I know I've said that before...but you always come right back to this "idealistic" R in your posts. You said something interesting in your response "we were closer to being soul-mates in the early years"....so CeMar, you and your W have never been soul-mates....and you already stated that no other type of R is worthwhile. The way you've stated things in your post it comes across as though...since you two have never been soul mates your R has never been worthwhile. That's what I take from your posts anyway.
I truly does appear from what you type that you seek utter perfection, or at least perfection in your minds-eye....or it's not worth it. You've stated many times how much better your M was in the early years and that your W has done a "bait-n-switch" etc....yet what you state you are wanting now (a soul-mate R) is something you also just stated you didn't have to begin with. Is that fair? To either of you? If that is truly what you wanted....and didn't have that to begin with and this is your true perspective....why did you marry?
You might ask similar questions of me, so I'll give you a pre-emptive answer. My H did show me another side of himself in the very early months of our R sexually speaking, he was also much more open with me at that time....the big "M" is what seems to have drawn him back into his shell on the issues that we are working on. So with him...I'm seeking to draw out, what I've seen...what I already know does lay within him. I also don't expect for him to reach the level that I would like for him to sexually. Would I like that, sure! Will I encourage him, heck yeah! But realistically I know he may never withdrawal enough out of his shell to get to that point, but as long as he comes out part-way....I'm willing to accept the effort.
Just some stuff to think about. Does anyone have a differing opinion or anything to add/argue?
