First, I don't put pressure on my bf for sex. I rarely bring it up. I've brought up the issue probably twice in the past nine months. The first time he blew up and stomped out of the house, then came back, and admitted he needed to work on anger issues. Then he started with the C and is making great strides in the anger dept.

The second time I brought it up was about two weeks ago. I sat him down and said I cannot stay forever in a R that has no sexual contact. I said I'm not going to walk out on you like your ex did. In fact, I'm not going to do anything until your kids graduate from high school in May 2006. So we have almost a year to work on this.

To his credit, and as a testament to his progress with the C, he did NOT blow up when I told him this. The thing that makes me believe he is NOT satisfied with the lack of sex is that (like the spouses of many other HD people on the board), he replied by saying "he misses it, too," "he wants to work on it," "be patient with him."

He has NOT responded like some other LD (you included) people on this board and LD spouses of the HD people (as quoted by the HD people who post here), that he'd be just as happy to do without it, he has no interest, etc. He claims he HAS GREAT interest and really really wants us to be having sex regularly. He just makes no move to make it happen. He stays up way later than me every night when I go to bed. He makes no moves to touch me in a sexual way.

So I've put my SD under wraps and I'm being patient.

Meanwhile, I'm enjoying very much the lack of angry outbursts. He loves the C like a father (I knew he would), and goes faithfully every week. I see my bf growing and opening up. He continues to be sober. I'm very proud of him and I tell him so. So I have hope that in the future he may get to the point that he will be able to act toward me in a more sexual way.

I'm not extremely physically HD and would be VERY happy with once a week. And like the elderly couple that Jen talked about, I'd be happy if there were just sexual vibes in the air. If we ML every couple of weeks, but kissed, groped, snuggled in the meantime, I would be very happy. I want to feel that he desires me. I'm not asking for the sun, the moon, and the stars here.

If he doesn't start acting sexual toward me eventually, then I'll have to conclude that his comments about "wanting it too" were just his attempt to say what I wanted to hear. And then I'll have to decide if I'm going to follow through on my plans to leave him or decide if I can tolerate the rest of my life with solitary eroticism only.

Regarding feeling special: I don't rely upon my bf for me to feel special. I'm a very special person (and that's not just the 4 talking ) of many accomplishments in my 56 years. I won't bore you with my resume. I feel quite special in most areas of my life.

The point about my bf's sexual desire is that I want to experience my bf's desire for me to know that I am special to him. I want him to regard me in a way that he regards no one else. This is pretty simple stuff.

Even though I'm a childless only child with one living parent, I know I'm special to many friends. But I don't share a sexual bond with any of them. I want the sexual bond with one man, right now I want that man to be my bf. This is pretty simple stuff-- it's a common human phenomenon to value a unique and exclusive sexual bond with someone. Poems and songs attest to this. Even the Song of Solomon in the Hebrew Scriptures (Old Testament) extols the beauty of this special connection. I just want some of that.