I hear what you are saying...but what my H is doing with me is projecting his past on to me, which is a hard habit for him to break, it took years for him to learn to behave this way.
See in the past my H was the HD partner in the R...his xw would be what CeMar might call ND...so no matter how LD my H is in our R, he was the HD in that R. What he is doing in our is projecting an expected behavior, the behavior he experienced in the past from his xw, on to me. And he doesn't trust that I won't do what the x did.....so conciously or subconciously he's not letting me do that by simply not giving in and withholding what it is I'm asking for.
Does that make sense? Everytime I try to explain it it sounds so jumbled.
