Quote: But I wanted to go back to something Mrs. NOP said that has really gotten me thinking. I don't have her post up on the screen in front of me so I'll do my best to paraphrase it-- she said that there are things that the LD person wants as much as the HD person wants sex and the lack of these things hurts the LD person as much as the lack of sex hurts the HD person.
This is making me wonder what my bf wants from me that I am not "delivering." Not that I expect that if I started "delivering" whatever it is, he would suddenly want sex... and "delivering" is a bad word, because it is so product-oriented... but I wonder how he is hurting because of something I'm doing or not doing in the same way I'm hurting because of his not reaching out to me sexually?
I don't think that this would fit everyone's situation.
There really are people who are self-centered enough that they can't see the needs of their HD spouse. There are folks that have had sexual abuse in their past. There are folks with illnesses - mental, emotional, physical. There are folks who go by the "if I don't feel it, I don't have to do anything about it". There are folks who don't handle stress well, and feel that they are doing all they can do to keep afloat - and sexual urges are dropped as non-essentials. There are folks who are just outright cruel. There are folks who were the prince or princess as children and can't imagine past their own expectations/limitations.
Your boyfriend may not be lacking anything but a sex drive. He may be crushed, hurt, angry or indifferent to his ED. His only issue with the relationship may be that you don't accept him as he is - no drive (or too sensitive to the ED issue that he prefers to ignore it).
It doesn't hurt to consider that your spouse may be having issues with you and the relationship. In the cases where that applies, I think that most people, given enough thought could pinpoint their spouse's issues (for the spouse's who have been able to express anger and/or disagreement) - it will be those issues that were recurring or which were expressed with the most emotional output.
